I so totally turned that last post into an "all about me fest" instead of where I wanted to go with it, which was, I have realized I'm not going about things in the right manner with the girls and my life.
If you haven't read the link to EmmaP's comment yet, you should really stop reading now, and check it out now.
I'll wait.
Gees, read faster.
Finished? Okay.
Learn. We learn from our parents. I should be the best example I can be spiritually. I should be the best example I can be in my actions. I know that I make light of some of the things the girls do (because they really funny and unbelievable). I don't like to be serious. Everything was so serious in our household growing up and I've just had enough seriousness. Several years ago, about the time I started this blog which is now coming up on its 3rd birthday, "I saw the light", and realized I was on that same path my mother took us all those years (I'm not shoplifting, fibbing, not paying the utilites, etc.). I was worried about money, work, house work, etc. way too much. I decided to live. Really live. I lightened up. Sometimes things with the girls got easier and of course there were all those tough times, most of you read about them.
I also realized, its not just me influencing these kids. Everyone and everything influences them. I don't talk much about their parents, buckle up, here we go, just mom today. Their mother influences them tremendously. The very small amount of time that she spends with them has a HUGE impact on both of them differently. Mary Margaret worships the ground her mother walks on, of course mom picks up on this and uses it. Mary Margaret worries all the time about what man is going to hurt her mother this time, does her mom have food, a place to sleep, clothes, etc. Her last whoa-is-me was that her current husband(#6) was planning to shoot her on Valentine's Day with a gun he stole from her father. How did I find this out? She wrote a note to someone about. My failure is that I haven't prayed the right prayer for their mom with them. I have to admit that I worry she will realize what she's missed out on and do right and I'll be out. Taylor is wishy-washy about her mom. I think she sees the truth and I know she loves her, she just doesn't, I really don't know how to say it. I think she sees that a lot of the pity party is just drama. Mom calls her a tattle tale all the time, calls her fat, says she can't tell her things because she'll just run back to Kaye with it. Her life is none of Kaye's business. She's going to take them away from Kaye and Tim because we don't raise them right. Taylor hears this about herself from her mom, the woman that is supposed to love them no matter what. Taylor hears Mary Margaret is their Mom's mini-me. What do you think that does to her? I have failed Taylor by not praying for her mom with her. It frightens me that they are learning this kind of behavior from a parent.
I see in both the girls, they are good. They make mistakes and so do I.
I see compassion in Mary Margaret in so many ways (just not for her sister so much). She is not rude all the time, She DOES talk A LOT. We butt heads constantly. I know she wants to do whats right, I can see it, I can also see a lot of our head butts are "you're not my momma". She hasn't told me that in a while. We went through some very serious head butting and tough times earlier this year, she has grown up a lot this year. She still thinks that I should not know everything about her life, we are making strides in this area. I tell her all the time "I'm here to stay and I, by George, will know about your life, ALL OF IT.
Taylor doesn't want to hurt any one's feelings. She just turned 13, the only head butting we have is who has done more housework. One more thing...when I ask her to move to a different spot, the dragon comes out in her. What is it with that? I know my days are numbered with the pre-teen Taylor.
I can pray. I can love them unconditionally. I can show them and teach them. We started our morning off a whole lot different. Prayer before breakfast. It was a joint effort. It felt great to pray with them what I call an Adult Prayer. I don't want to say we've been praying wrong, any prayer is good. Right? They are not babies anymore.
Does any of this make sense? I hope I didn't ramble too much.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Boom Continued
Posted by Kaye Butler at 9:07 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.jpg)
3 comments:
never rambling... that's why it's a blog, right?
funny you mentioned the "wrong prayer" or the "right prayer". I was thinking a lot about prayers lately - even before reading your last post. It seems we are much on the same wave-length these days. Anyway - I read some old journal entries two nights ago. Two of them were on prayer. They are both scheduled to post sometime wihtin the next two weeks (can't remember when). But in one of them I had an "ah-ha" moment. I was in need. I needed help. I prayed for help. And in not receiving the help I needed, I came to the realization that perhaps I was praying the "wrong prayer"; praying for the wrong thing, specifically. I thought for a moment about how the Lord works, and realized that there was perhaps a different way to acheive the same outcome; His way. I changed my prayer and it was answered.
So I think what this goes to show us is that prayer is also a teaching tool, not only from us to our children, but from our Father to Us. He uses prayer to teach us about ourselves and Him and our relationship with Him. I think it is when I am most prayerful that I engage in more self-discovery and am therefore more in tune with what it is the Father wants me to learn.
Amazing, isn't He?
We get so distracted in our lives don't we. It's almost like we rush to do everything else, why not rush through prayers. How hard is it to CLEAR your head. I mean really clear it and pray. No shopping list floating around, no laundry tumbling in your head, no boss from work droaning on and on and on, no kids rolling their eyes and tapping you on the shoulder. This is a lot of my problem.
And it might be the reason it feels like my head is screwed on backwards all the time.
I understand your thought process but is there really a "wrong" way to pray? The fact that you believe and do pray is at least a foundation...I do agree that all to often (myself included) we pray for the wrong things, but I think God knows we are mere mortals and loves us anyway, right? We are constantly growing in our beliefs (which it sounds like you are doing) and from post one you are FAR from a failure....at least your girls are growing up in a home that prayer is a part of and they are loved and well taken care of.....plus they know right from wrong and have been started on the right path...
Also from post one I agree on the dating thing....It is difficult though. I for one will let Alex "go out" with an 8th grader but no high schoolers (Of course mind you there is very little "going" anywhere - especially if it does not involve parents...)
she of course brought up what about next year when she is an 8th grader...then can she go out with high school boys? - because that would be the same thing as her going out with an 8th grader now.....I will admit I did let her communicate (text, talk some) with a boy who was a couple of years older(15) but wasn't too concerned because he was in ElDorado (so again no "going" anywhere) Only lasted a few weeks(probably because boy realized this would go nowhere) I normally look like the freaky over-protective parent who has honestly just in the past year started letting her walk around the mall with a friend/or without me (although I do text or call frequently to make sure where she is) - Also have NO problem totally invading her privacy. Because as I tell her are the time YOU ARE MY BUSINESS.....I read her text messages on a regular basis, and have gone so far as to show her how I could (if I was ever so inclined)pull up the bill on the internet and know exactly who she has texted and has texted her (i.e. don't try to go deleting them before I read them - I really have no life other than to make your's miserable - I will sit down with the computer bill and your phone and compare if I must...)so even though you don't want to be the one who has kids so sheltered that at some point they go buck-wild it's tough to find that balance between letting them grow up some and not give them too much leeway. Let me know if you find an answer to that one....
Post a Comment