April 29, 2008

We were pretty boring last night. So, I decided to post some recipes on Family Recipes...check it out (link to the right under my blogs).

Here's to the Weekend!!!!

No Deaths equals a full weekend off for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had the whole weekend off!

How I spent my weekend:

Friday night: We went straight home from work so that I could straighten up the house before my sister-in-law Nicole got there. As we pulled up I noticed the best thing that ever happened to me...my husband......WAS AT HOME FINISHING MY BATHROOM! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!! I love my bathroom! For dinner, I sauteed shrimp for my salad with WEBER'S ZESTY LEMON PEPPER SEASONING AND OLIVE OIL. Let me say that Weber's seasoning is THE BEST!

Saturday: Me, Nicole, all three girls, MM, Taylor, Alyssa (Nicole's daughter) all went over to my other sister-in-law's house to continue with the construction! We all got alot accomplished Saturday. Moving day gets closer and closer. Dianne has picked some great colors, colors that I secretly wish I could pull off in my house.

Saturday night: Sent the girls to the grandparents and Nicole and I had a GIRLS NIGHT OUT. We did invite Tim, he decided to stick around town, so sad for him! We traveled to Helena-West Helena to eat at the Ilse of Capri Casino. We were BIG gamblers, we played the penny machines! It was fun!

Sunday: We went back to Dianne's new house and helped to lunch time. Headed over to the in-laws for Birthday dinner for Josh(my nephew). We had ribs...I so totally was not on my made up diet this weekend. After lunch my Sunday afternoon was a flop. I started to get a headache and by the time grocery shopping was over, I was over. I did manage to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters!

Kids say the darnedest things:
We were through for the day at Dianne's new house
Alyssa (4 year old niece): Kaye Kaye, are you through?
ME: Yes, we are.
(picture this: The living room still has mudded walls, no paint, no flooring, etc.)
Alyssa: Wow, they wanted the house this way?

Roller Blades

Roller Blades: In-line skates made popular in the late 90's.

Roller Blades in the Butler Household (overheard conversation)
Taylor to my nephew Philip: Let's do 100 crunches for exercise
Taylor to Philip: You are not doing it right
Philip: What am I doing wrong
Taylor: Look at me, you got to get the roller blades off the floor
Philip: Roller Blades? I don't have any roller blades
Taylor: Yes you do, we all do
Dianne to Taylor: My kids have roller blades
Me to Taylor: Taylor, you have SHOULDER BLADES
Taylor: OKAY! (rolling her eyes like I do not know what I'm talking about!)

These kids were doing crunches while Dianne painted the kitchen and I was "splattering" the bedroom and hall, etc. Boy they have a hard life!

EARTH DAY

Mrs. Turner's 5th grade class at Wynne Intermediate participated in Earth Day by decorating white tee shirts. Taylor, who plans ahead (NOT), tells me the night before at 9:30 PM that she needs a white tee-shirt. So, we get up extra early the next day so that a trip to Wal-Mart will work in our schedule. She came home that afternoon with a cute decorated tee-shirt. The earth on one side and some little saying on the back. She was so proud..........

I washed it......
It is white again.....
The design is gone....
oops.

Lunch and Learn at the Jr. High School

Normally its the parents who forget where and when they are supposed to be at one school or the other. Today I REMEMBERED!!! (only because I marked my work calendar).
I reminded Mary Margaret that we were supposed to eat lunch together today. I really had no idea that there would be booths to look at and she got to drive the mule with the drunk goggles! She drove just like a drunk person. The ride back without the goggles was funny. I have been letting her drive on our road, I know, bad parent, but sometimes that is the only thing that will bring her out of one of those DRAMA QUEEN days. Anyway, she's driving the mule, one hand on the wheel, talking up a storm to Buck Morris, the police officer, looking at him while she's talking and driving, and driving a tad bit too fast, just like an old hand at driving. All the other kids were driving really slow, both hands on the wheel and scared to death to say a word. Not my baby!

This past month with Mary Margaret has been a lot better. I think that having all her stuff taken away and her having to earn it back really worked better than the other usual punishments. Ever so often she will mention that day that she was begging me to let her have something, anything back and I said fine and gave her one shoe back...she's says that was just wrong. Myself and others thought that it was pretty funny, especially when I handed her the one shoe and she looks at me and says...this shoe is the one that doesn't have a mate. OH WELL!!!! My friends and I have a good laugh about that one still!!!!! Someone told me the other day that it must be a riot living in my house as a kid. It's a laugh a minute!

Now on to Taylor, who is just starting to test the waters with me. She is at that really annoying whine-y stage. Anything I ask her to do, she a) trys to talk MM into doing it for her b) ignores me and my favorite c) WHINES FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE FOREVER! She is growing up too. She shaved her underarms last week. HOWS THAT FOR EMBARRASSING!

Brawner Family
I hardly ever give an update on the Brawner's. Dad and Charlene are gardening and cutting grass. My little sister, Delani is waiting for school to end. Can you believe this, Charlene's oldest son, Craig is graduating high school this year. Wow they have all grown so fast.

Scott (my youngest brother) is planning on going back to Alaska, I think, with a different company. He was getting his passport ready the other day. I wonder what he does in the airports with this prosthesis, I'll have to ask him.

Andy and Amanda are still rockin' on. They have Blake and Alisa. Andy wants to come down and stay with us this summer for their vacation, I told him to come on, we will find someplace for them to crash!

Susan (mom) is scheduled for a hysterectomy on the 29th.

Thats about it.

New Background

I should have been working yesterday...

I played around with my blog, trying to figure out where these other bloggers were getting their cool backgrounds...I found some, I really like this one! I lost of few of my page elements, I'm trying to get it back to normal!

Last night the girls and I helped Dianne, my sister-in-law, with her new house. I "splattered" walls and the ceiling in the kitchen. Splattering is sheetrock mud mixed with primer. It is put on with something similar to a sprayer. The effect is neat, I just hope Dianne and Clayton like it.
The living room (next to be "splattered")

Me

The Flooring that Dianne Chose

Clayton & Dianne's New House & News about John

Okay guys, if any of you have noticed, I took the address for John off of the blog. John has been able to have some computer time and checked out the blog. He noticed the address, called his mom and told her I need to remove it. With my blog being open, anyone could get his address and possibly mail an IED to him in a package.
Also, the address was wrong. I have the new address, get in touch with me for the address. Garrie told me last night that John is on guard post in a some tower and that job gets boring quickly. John told them that they have plenty of paper back books, to not send any of those. New list: CARMEX, old videos that you might not want, magazines, gum.

My slide show is all about Clayton and Dianne's new house. We were over there last night watching the boys move some dirt. This was the only time I could take pictures of my husband without him noticing too much. Tonight we (Dianne and I) start sanding those walls and painting!

Lost Gravel Truck and A T & T

Weird title? Remember the little post about the telephone pedestal being under water, how I had no phone service, poor pitiful me. I felt like there was no need to call the phone company while the water was high, (by the way DRY HIGHWAY!!) anywho...The pedestal is now dry so I call the phone company. After punching the right numbers and pound signs, 20 minutes of lovely music, not remember a password that I set up 15 years ago, finally I talk with a HUMAN. Mrs. Butler, we'll send someone out right away!

Telephone guy calls at lunch...Mrs. Butler, I was prepared for a wet pedestal, I get here and its dry. (Imagine that with all the water) He said that he believed me, but that he had run the test and it showed a "raw line". Which he said means that there has never been service hook up at that site....BUT I'VE LIVED THERE FOR 10 YEARS AND HAVE ALWAYS HAD A PHONE! He needs to do more testing.

In the meantime, I call Tim and tell him what was said. He reminded me that a "lost gravel" truck had been up our drive and turned around in the same spot that our phone lined is buried. W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L!!!!

Telephone guys calls back about 2 hours later, he has found the problem...a heavy construction truck/equipment has been in your yard Mrs. Butler and when it turned, it twisted the wet soil and twisted the telephone cable out of your box. Our phone cable is only buried about 4 inches deep.

To make a loooonnnnngggg story short, logically with all the water, we all, me, Tim, Dad (who has worked for the phone company, now an independent contractor for it) thought that it all had to do with the "flood". We were wrong.

I now have phone service again.
Signed,
Loving My Life and ALL ITS DRAMA
Kaye

Taylor and the MUSIC CORNER

I promised you all a picture of Taylor and our MUSIC CORNER. I say this is a corner, well, because it is. There is no other place for the piano but in the corner of my kitchen. The living room is filled with furniture and my kitchen is just bigger. Simple as that!

My big adventure last night was cleaning out the junk in the laundry room. I really was looking for a cordless drill, knowing I was not going to find one. I have one plastic bin dedicated to chargers and batteries...the drills grew legs and walked off, leaving the chargers and batteries behind. I did not find one, but, I accomplished the following: I put up nails for tape rolls, duck tape, paper tape, packaging tape, painters tape. I put up nails for all the wrenches and hung them up. Same for my hammer. Everything is nice and neat and can be found...how long will this last? Not long.
Kristi Lee Cook voted off of American Idol! Whoop Whoop! I've been waiting for her to go!

Nothing Exciting

The most exciting information...the water continues to "DRY UP"! Hopefully this rain that the weather man insist is coming, will not come! The United States Postal Carrier should be able to deliver our mail. Bad news, the phone pedestal is still under water.

My sister-in-law Dianne bought bath tubs, sinks, cabinets, and faucets for her new house yesterday...she's excited. Moving day is just that much closer.

The picture below is of Mary Margaret practicing the piano in our music room at home.

HA! Got you! This is Mary Margaret practicing, just not in our music room at home...the music room at the Funeral Home. She gets one extra practice in before lessons on Tuesday. Taylor gets cheated because she goes first, straight from school. I tried to upload a video of her playing...didn't work, oh well. You all are missing a wonderful concert.

I'll get a picture of Taylor tonight practicing on our piano in our MUSIC CORNER!!!!
If any of you get bored with my blog, don't forget to check out some of the ones I have listed on the left of this page!

Receeding Water!!!!!

The water dropped maybe 2 inches...that's a lot in my book!

I'm getting new neighbors, Tim's brother and his wife and kids have bought the house just on the other side of us.

Things that go wrong when the water is high...

The phone pedestal is under water for 2 weeks...your phone quits working! My house phone was very quiet last night.

My aunt JoAnn got smart and tried my cell, I had a very interesting conversation with her. My brother and my dad called, so I felt quite important! Dad's comment about the water..."Wow! I've never seen it that high! In the 70's it was over a different part of the road."

Mary Margaret broke her knee last night. She has amazing recovery for broken bones...She limped all night, this morning, she forgot to limp. She doesn't like it when I point out that she has forgotten to limp.

Even when the water has dropped this low...you still do not get your mail!

United States Post Office

The old saying..."Weather, Rain, Snow, Sleet or Shine the mail must go through..."

Just not when it is flooded. The postal service does not deliver mail when the water is over the road, they turn around at your neighbors drive, even though you are standing there, waving and honking your horn...

Also, the post office is not obiligated to tell you that your mail has been HIJACKED.

May I point out that I CAN STILL DRIVE THROUGH THE WATER SLOWLY.

Technology Melt Down

You know its going to be a great day when:
(I know the first two do not have anything to do with technology)

1. Your drama queen says she doesn't have to carry a backpack to school, can not carry a purse, or a coat more than 2 inches thick...because they are having benchmark testing...(only one of these statements are true - the backpack statement)

2. You realize you forgot to give the drama queen lunch money, so now you will have to listen to her whine about the lunch lady lecturing her, when she really could have picked her lunch money up off of the dresser, but you have spoiled them by handing them everything they need....

3. You arrive at work and a) light fixture in the pallbearer room does not turn on and yes you have checked all the bulbs b) your two most important printers both have warning lights blinking c) you left the lap top computer at home on your kitchen table and finally d)someone has managed to make the message light on your desk phone stay on and you can't make it go off


This would be what caused the light problem. Its broken.

We at the Funeral Home think that this switch could have worked a few more days...this switch is new compared some of the things around here.

This day has just begun...things could plummet, spiralling out of control any minute

Too Much Water

I have to say that the highway department went all out with their signs and baracades. The sign is only about 6 inches from the ground. Who will be able to see that? All the little fishes!

While we are on the subject of fishes...THE WATER SMELLS FISHY! Mary Margaret(drama queen) gagged yesterday when I checked the mail. I was right there with her!

The rain, thunder and lightening were awful. At one point the thunder was so loud and rumbled so hard...the pictures on my wall shook.

To Boot: My favorite Contestant on American Idol was voted off...Michael Johns.

Today, there are partly cloudy skies...whoop whoop (notice no capitol letters).

Can We Get MORE LUCKY??????

Now we are under Tornado Watch/Warning!!!!! WHOOOP WHOOOP!

Wednesday Night Drama

Setting the scene: Taylor is in my club chair, I am in Tim's recliner (he's not home) Mary Margaret is standing in the middle of the room because she can't find a place to sit. (There is a whole couch to sit on) American Idol came on 30 minutes early last night for Idol Gives Back and we were ready to settle down and watch it.
Mary Margaret: I can't find anywhere to sit
ME: Sit on the couch
MM: But there's a load of towels on the couch
ME: Fold them
MM: I don't want to
ME: Then move them over
(stimulating conversation)
Mary Margaret bends over to move the towels...then all of the sudden, she starts screaming and running from room to room like someone had literally cut off part of her body.
ME: Stop, whats wrong with you
MM: Something bit me (still running and screaming)
ME: Stop so I can see
MM: It hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttssssssssssss so bad (still running and screaming)
ME: STOP!!!!, I can't help you if I can't catch you!
MM: You don't understand it hurrrrrrttttttsssssss!!!!!!
ME: go to your room until you stop this crap.
MM: You never try to help me!
She finally settles down enough for me to look at her PINKY FINGER. Something had stung her. I pick up each towel and shake it out and find a semi-hibernating wasp, kill it and throw it away. This makes her scream and cry again, because now that she knows it was a wasp....her entire hand and arm is swelling. (not really that's what she said) I'm calm...(everyone would be so proud of me)....I get the benadryl and Tylenol pm and hand them to her. By 15 to 8 she was sound asleep.

This took 40 minutes.

This morning...I could not even find the little red spot the wasp made. Mary Margaret said that it still hurt and that the bite was only a tiny bit better.

Drama to the end.

April 10, 2008

This morning the water was higher...big shock! The road is passable, driving in the middle. I have not had any helicopter offers...one of my bosses offered us his upstairs bedrooms that they do not use anymore...what fun that could be. There is another way in (if it does not flood) which would be about 10 extra miles of all gravel.

Tim decided that I should leave my van at home and drive the Nissan Exterra...one of his trucks, just in case the water gets higher...

Waiting

Waiting: to remain inactive until something unexpected happens - Webster Dictionary.
I do not think that this was UNEXPECTED!

I took this picture this morning on the way to school and work. I am sitting my van in my driveway...its raining again.

My neighbors moved last night. The water has forced them out. They have been waiting. This water on the rise was not something unexpected. I wonder why they did not try to sandbag? Try to save their home? I know it's not a good picture, the rain got in my way.

This house is further up the road and further away from the River...This house always has a pristine yard, this couple works so hard to keep their home beautiful. No Sandbags

The top picture (taken this morning) is the deepest point on the watering pivot in the cotton field on my road. I took a picture of this same pivot last week. The bottom picture is last week.


I do not understand why these people did nothing to even try to save their homes. I know they saw the water coming just like I did. I watched them, "watch" the water every afternoon.

This waiting for the water to cross the road has not bothered my nerves too much, until this morning...I really might not be able to get home today or tomorrow...Tim says we will have to ride home in his fishing boat (Tim being funny) HELLO...THE BOAT IS UP THERE WITH THE HOUSE...HOW WILL HE GET THE BOAT? I'm thinking hotel. Unless any of my friends have a helicopter they could let me use.

Water

I haven't posted about the water lately. The "weather man" on KAIT News is predicting rain today and Wednesday. We really do not need any more rain. Neighbors on both sides of me(their houses are at the bottom of the ridge) have water in their houses now. The girls and I rode down past our house where the river is closer to the road, at one house there was a minivan (must not run) parked in the yard, Wednesday the tires were under water....yesterday, we could only see the the top of the van. Some of the storage buildings have been pulled up as close to the road as possible.

I need to explain why the water is not over the road yet...just past my drive way, the highway department installed a huge culvert that is supposed to act as a suction for the water and fill up the gully and ditch in front of my property, therefore no flooding should occur. It worked as a suction alright...just worked the wrong way.

What does this mean for us? The only real problem we will have will be NOT BEING ABLE TO GET TO OUR HOUSE. The water will not (hopefully) rise high enough to reach our house.

My dad said that the last time he remembers Hwy 163 being closed was in the late
70's, which would be before the U. S. Army Corps of Engineers dredged the river and built the spill ways. I do remember the water over the road in the 80's, I'm guessing around 83 or 84. Dad lives in a tiny community called Lead Hill (just outside of Harrison) and they are having their own problems with water...Bull Shoals Lake feeds the creek that runs behind their house and he said the water is getting pretty high there.

Absent Minds....

Today, I did not bring in my purse to the Funeral Home. I set my keys on my desk. Get ready to leave for lunch...can't find my keys. In my head I blame Bill for this "prank". My Boss and oldest Kernodle (83) notices me looking for my keys (15minutes I looked for these keys!)...

He pulls my keys out of his pocket...he thought that they were the keys that his wife lost the night before.

Mary Margaret: taken at the Funeral Home Sunday...I think the sign above her head says it all. (That sign leads to the preparation room and says Danger! Formaldehyde in Use!)

SPC. JOHN BRATTON

To the Left I posted Johnathon's mailing address. I didn't get to talk to Angela yesterday, Garrie said that John had called and given the address for us to mail to.

If anyone wants to send a care package, there are 3 things that John could use, Sun Screen, Carmex,(John has a problem with his lips burning and blistering really bad when he is in the sun) and Wrap Around Sunglasses that fit tight to the head.

Also, Angela told us a few weekends ago, that John would like a Turtle Pie. Try sending that one through the mail!!

Kaye

The Butler Girls Can Not Be Fooled!

Bill, a funeral director at the funeral home, decided to play an old joke of Mr. Fifer's on my girls. (They worked Saturday at the Funeral Home). They can't be fooled. He has a box with a hole in it and cotton in it. He puts iodine on the knuckle and stick the finger in the box. He tells the girls to come here, I want to show you the finger I saved from last week. They both run up to him and immediately, Mary Margaret (who is usually a little dingy) said...Gawd...that's just your finger that you put in the hole in that box! Taylor, looked at it real hard before she cracked a smile. He can't fool them all the time.
Bill's "finger"

This is Taylor looking at the "finger" and thinking about it.

Mary Margaret on the left and Taylor on the right. Do you see all the boxes behind them in the closet? The girls jobs, when I work on Saturdays, is to put labels on all the Thank You Cards, fill the register book boxes with the inserts, and stack the closet neatly. They do a pretty good job.

After all the joking around...both girls thought they would pull the same joke on me...Mary Margaret used a green highlighter (that was not real looking at all) and Taylor colored her WHOLE finger with a pink highlighter...her finger ended up the color of a pickled egg/pig feet. Gross.

More Water and Funeral Home Stories

Boy the Stories are rolling around this place!!!!!!!!!!!

In the 70's:
The Funeral Directors walk to the coffee shop and on the way drop off a portable air tank at the Gas Station. The guys have their coffee break and on the back one of the funeral directors is going to pick up the tank and carry it back.
Roy Long(owner of the gas station) Steps out and says: Hold It!!!!! You can't pick that up! Its got 150 lbs of air in it.
Funeral Director: Stops and says Oh Okay I'll go get the truck! He walks away and gets about 10 feet, and realizes...the tank does not weigh any more than it did when he dropped it off....compressed air.


Weird Story #1
Lady brings clothes for her mother, uderwear, hose, dress, and shoes. The lady comes to the funeral home to view her mother before the public gets there. She looks at her mother, everything looks great, but.....
She says: Did you put those shoes on mother?
FD: Yes
Lady: What mother is wearing is way more comfortable than what I have got on, please take off her shoes and I'll wear them and she can have mine.
Funeral Director takes off the shoes and the lady puts them on and wears them.

Weird Story #2
Lady brings some earrings for her mother to wear. She says...shoot, I was supposed to bring clip on earrings for momma...oh, go ahead and put the piereced ones on momma..
FD: Is your mother's ears pierced?
Lady: No, but momma won't feel anything.



This picture is taken from the deck on my front of my house. You can see that it looks like we have lake front property.


This the bay bridge looking east towards Memphis.

Things Are Not Always As They Seem

Another Funeral Home Story!!!!!!!!! I think that I've created some monsters! These guys are just full of stories...They like your commments!

Early 1970's or Late 1960's
The funeral directors head out to a train wreck where there had been a fatility, a lady was killed in this wreck. They work the wreck and head back to the funeral home.

The funeral director that stayed behind comes running up to the funeral coach as they pulled in to the funeral home.

Mr. Fifer: What do you guys have...lets hurry...
Mr. Kernodle: What do you mean?
Mr. Fifer: Call came in at the Drug Store, said Kernodle's got the death in the train wreck and the head was decapitated!
Mr. Kernodle: Don't know what they are talking about. This lady is not decapitated.
They chalk up the story to just rumors flying (really fast, since it beat them to the funeral home).
Mr. Kernodle is bothered by this story so he begins to think...
This lady was wearing a wig that had flown off during the wreck. Someone brings him the wig, he opens up the car door and places the wig on the foot of the cot...someone driving by had seen that happen. This was the decapitated head, nothing but a wig.

Recently...
This person had been in the hospital. The family comes in and wants cremation. We do the cremation. The family comes in one day after the cremation and SERIOUSLY asks this question: "Is it to late to get so-in-so back? We want to take pictures to sue the hospital." This family was serious.

IRS SCAM!!!!!!!

THE FUNERAL HOME HAS JUST BEEN SCAMMED!

We received an email today from the IRS. I know that the IRS does not send out emails regarding your tax returns.

The mail said that we had left out some information on our return and would not be able to recieve our refund, please download the attachment.

Its a fraud!!!!!!!!!!!

More Funnies From the Funeral Business

The secretary at the time is Glenda Pulley
Prank: Jr. Reed and Mr. Neal, Glenda's Car

Guys: Mrs. Pulley yo car dirty, we'll wash it
Pulley: No, you guys do not have to do that for me
Guys: Sure, we ain't got nothing better to do and your car is filthy
Pulley: Leaves for lunch...car sparkling clean, runs a few errands, and at the last stop, a friend stops by to chat...
Friend: Glenda, where did you get your car washed?
Pulley: The guys at the funeral home washed my car for me wasn't that nice
Friend: It looks horrible
Pulley: she walks around to the passenger side of the car....which had not been washed.


One of my post is called "Are You Serious", which involves a person asking..."Can you really ride a ferry from California to Hawaii"

We were all joking around...a family member was kidding that his truck had shrunk because he couldn't get under it to work on it any more. Maybe his wife washed and dried it. The Ferry rider said this...

I bet that's what happened to my rings. I left them in my jean pockets and my mom washed and dried them. Now they don't fit.

April 3, 2008

If you all haven't noticed...to the left is a list of blogs that I read everyday. Sandy Brawner hooked me on one called Confessions of CF Husband (which I labeled Great Page). I hope you all read it...it is an amazing story!

WATER UPDATE

Tim and I both think that the river will cross the road just before you get to our house. We are expecting rain today and tomorrow, flash flood rains.

I had some response to my post yesterday. Some of my family members called to guess who said what. They thought the post was hysterical. I'm glad!

Water!

A few people have asked me how high the St. Francis River has gotten where I live. The water is at my mail box. I am not worried about the water getting close to my house, since I live at the top of Crowley's Ridge. My mail box, on the other hand, is at the bottom of Croswley's Ridge.




This pasture is to the left of my driveway. It has been roughly 20-25 years since the St. Francis has been dredged and re-routed. In those years, I have only seen the water up to "road" 4 to 8 times. Highway 163 used to get closed down right past the "S" curve. The girls and I rode on down to what we call the First Bridge and the road was fine, although the water is at the back of some of the houses down that way. I did not go all the way to the Second Bridge (the big concrete bridge) I was afraid that the "I Love Lucy" van would get stuck, I wouldn't want to have to call a wrecker to come get me. That wrecker driver always gets so mad when he has to come get his WIFE.



In this picture, I am standing at the "S" curve. The field you see is a cotton field, I have not seen the water this high, this far from the river. Oh, in the corner you can see the "I Love Lucy" van.

Thought I would tell on myself a little...I was talking on my cell to my sister-in-law the other day in the rain...digging through my purse, my pockets, and my van........
.....looking for my cell.

The sister-in-law I was talking to, made slow cooked chicken the other day. She put the chicken in the oven for dinner that night...got up the next morning and it was still cooking. I forgot to ask what they had the night she cooked the chicken.

A friend (you all know her so I won't say her name) called me one afternoon while I was at work.
She said: get back out here and clean up this mess!
I said: Do what?
She said: you know what I'm talking about, get out here and get this burger out of the back seat of my truck.
I said: I haven't had a hamburger in the back of your truck
She said: Crap. Goodbye.
She meant to call her daughter's cell (daughter is 12).

Mary Margaret is reading her American History last night (without a fight).
She says..Kaye Kaye, come here and read this word for me.
I said: sound it out
She said: I know the word, I'm not allowed to say it.
I'm thinking: WHAT??????
She point to the word: HORROR
which she thinks is: WHORE (which totally would not have made any sense!)
I told her what the word really was and gave her the dictionary, just in case she didn't believe me.

We all have those days!

April Fools Day at Kernodle Funeral Home

You might think that a Funeral Home, 81 years old, would be full of wonderful April Fools jokes, and it is. Not the ones that I was hoping for, but they are good.

Adry Fifer was the embalmer here for 39 1/2 years. He passed away in 2006. I only knew him for a short time, but long enough to know that he had a great sense of humor. I asked today about April Fools...

All of these pranks were played on poor old Mr. Fifer...he always made you think that he was going to get you back...he never did...that was his way of getting you back...the worry of what he might do.

Prank #1: Fifer had just bought a new truck, drove it one street over to the post office, left it running. The caretaker of the Funeral Home, Mr. Neal, happened by and noticed the truck running, got in it, drove to the Funeral Home and put it in the garage and put the door down. Fifer came walking back, very somber, and started looking for the police phone number. Bill, funeral director at the Funeral Home, asked what's going on. Fifer: somebody done stole my brand new truck...he tells the whole story and then Mr. Neal walks in and gives him his keys.

Prank #2 Fifer leaves for the day, gets in his truck, starts the truck, puts it in drive, and the truck doesn't move. Bill and Neal had put the truck up on bricks, enough that the truck is 1 inch off the ground.

Prank # 3 Fifer gets ready to leave and again, his truck is missing. Bill and Jeffery had pushed his truck into the casket loading ramp, very good hiding spot.

DO YOU SEE A PATTERN?

Prank #4 Poor old Fifer...gets in his truck, puts the key in and turns it on. Each time Fifer turned the key, the horn bl owed. Bill had rewired the horn.

Prank #5 Secretary thinks that Bill is doing her a favor, gets her car keys, and says, I'll start your car and turn on the heat for you...instead, Bill pulls the car to the door, turns on the air conditioning, rolls down the windows on a very cold day.

Prank #6 Chris (extra help around the funeral home a long time ago) opens a casket that is supposed to be empty and finds the funeral director laying there...this prank got no reaction.

The above pranks all happened on April Fools Day. The next pranks happen on a daily basis...

CURRENT SECRETARY: Strange objects found in the purse: Huge piece of metal weighing in at about 10 pounds, huge nuts and bolts, Geritol bottles, brass dresser pulls, fake dog poop, used tissue paper, LOTS OF MARBLES, purse sometimes comes up missing, the list goes on and on and on and on...sometimes these strange things turns up in the coat pockets because the secretary has learned to not bring a purse. The secretary would be me.

Memphis Morning News Channel 13 Fox

This is my rant for the day, so far!

I usually do not watch the Memphis News. Why? I personally think that this channel has had to "dumb" down their broadcast. They obviously can't talk above their viewer's heads. This morning I walked in the living room, someone had turned the channel from what I had been watching (I was watching KAIT-8 News ABC). The blond lady on 13 was describing a fight that had broke out at a soccer game in another country. The following was her description of the fight...(the channel is rolling footage of the fight)...."Bip, Bap, Oh, that had to hurt..pop, smack...There you have it folks" The other newscaster is a man, he then described a shooting ..."Well, another shooting has taken place in (I can't remember the neighborhood). Some homie decided to shoot another homie and now the police are looking into the matter."

Who thought that this would be a good broadcast? These people are treating tragedies like a joke. Tonight, the reporters will probably interview some of the "homies" in the neighborhood...I bet the get the smartest ones to comment on the shooting..."Kiki, you know man, he sold drugs and all but he was a good person. It just ain't right he go down like he did."

Now, moving on to the National News Media...how many of you think that the National News Media had destroyed Hillary on purpose? I'm not a Hillary fan by no means, but, these last few weeks have not been good for poor Hillary. I believe that she had to eat crow after telling 3 times a bold face lie...when NBC came up with the footage of she and Chelsea getting off that plane with NO gun fire...she ate some crow. Don't get me wrong, Obama has had his share of bad media...and his pastor hasn't helped it any. I do not have cable or satellite, so I do not get to watch the real FOX news or CNN, I know that Good Morning America, 20.20, or the news show with Charlie Gibson can not tell everything in such a limited time...but I am proud to say that so far, these programs have not dumbed down so that the general viewing audience can understand what they are saying. (I do not watch NBC, Today Show because I do not like Meredith!)

Thats my rant for today...

I bet some of you thought it would be about the "Your are ruining my 13 year old Life" child. She was extremely good last night. She thought that would get all her stuff returned to her...even though it had only been one day of grounding.