Razor Talk

The girls in the house were down to our last razor. It was the cheapest razor ever. It was meant to be a backup or for trips. YARM14YOL tossed our last good razor and failed to mention this little tidbit of information.

We were reduced to using the el-cheap-o razor until I can remember to put razors on the shopping list, which would mean that I would need to remember to take the list with me INTO the store and actually USE IT. I am proud of the fact that I taught both of the girls to shave with out needing stitches so far. I also take pride in the fact that I taught them how to soap the rag and use the soap for shaving. Every great once in a while we have shaving cream. Not often because they go crazy and use it all like in one shower. One morning while showering, I knock the el-cheap-o razor down into the bottom of the tub and step on it breaking it. It causes a little sharp pain and I said OUCH. Not loudly. They both come running. Shall I point out that I can SCREAM their names when in a pinch, like on a ladder trying to not fall off and NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON can hear me. I break a razor, and they are on top of my like bees on honey.
Exhibit A

They say....what happened? All concerned like.
Me: I just broke the razor.
MM: Great, that's the last one we have.
ME: I know. I'll get more.
MM: You'll never, never remember and I'll have hairy legs and underarms and everyone will make fun of me in PE.
ME: I'LL.GET.MORE. Now, go away and let me shower in peace.
TAYLOR: Well I'm glad its broke and we're getting a new one.
ME: Why?
TAYLOR: Because I can only shave one leg a week with that one.
ME: Whys that? (this ought to be good and by the way I'm still not alone in the bathroom, someone needs to warn expectant mothers that bathroom privacy is the first thing to go, not your sanity, gees.)
TAYLOR: I do that because it takes a week for one leg to stop hurting.
ME: ??WHAT??
TAYLOR: That razor burns my leg. I can only stand it one leg at a time.
ME: You are getting razor burn. Are you using soapy rag?
TAYLOR: Nope, I forget to shave in the shower so I shave after.
ME: You are dry shaving? No wonder your legs hurt. It doesn't matter what razor you use.
MARYMARGARET: Glad to know what that's called, I thought I had a disease.

If anyone decides to be me, I get your bathroom all to myself, I'll just sit on the floor and rock back and forth wondering where my sanity went.

Digital TV

I'm fixing to get on my soap box, I haven't used my soap box in a while. If you love the fact that we have to swap to digital TV programing, leave now and come back when I'm posting about the Wii Mission of Torture or my kids, whatever.

Have I expressed my feelings regarding the "BIG SWITCH" from Analog to Digital? If I have, excuse the following.

We do not live close enough to have cable TV and I refuse to have a dish. We are not home enough for the cost of the dish to work out. We are that family that uses rabbit ears for our TVs, so I will be needing the converter box and I will point out that ANALOG RABBIT EAR RECEPTION WORKS JUST FINE.

I bought two last night, used those coupons that the government of generously provided. Thanks to Uncle Sam.

I feel like this big switch is the government controlling its citizens. Why? We have to switch from analog to digital to receive our TV programing, which causes 1)to buy the converter box, 2)run out and buy new TV's, 3) Cable TV/Dish sales sky rocket. If someone dug deep enough, I bet the government is getting a kickback somewhere somehow.

Tim had to hook up the converter box in our bedroom last night. Why? Channel 30 switched on February 17 as planned and it has just about killed Tim. I wanted no part of this, but he was persistent and I ended up having to get up and finish at 11PM. I know. Moving right along.

Let's talk channels.
Before Converter: 3,5,8,10,13,15,19,24,40,48,50
Tim says we are supposed to get way more channels after converter.
After Converter:3, 3.2, 10, 30, 48, 50.1, 50.2
Notice NO NBC- no Biggest Loser, No ER, no Law & Order
Notice NO ABC - NO BACHELOR, NO UGLY BETTY, NO GREYS ANATOMY, NO KAIT8 NEWS, NO GOOD MORNING AMERICA (this is so my most favorite network)
Notice NO FOX - NO AMERICAN IDOL, NO MEMPHIS NEWS, NO EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS, NO LATE NIGHT SEINFELD, NO LATE NIGHT FRIENDS

BUT, we have 30 now, so we can watch FAMILY GUY. I am NOT a Family Guy FAN.

Channels are not the only problem.

Channel 3 is now wide screen. Channel 30 is still square but HALF the size it was before. AND now every time the wind blows THERE ARE FREAKIN SQUARES DOTTING THE SCREEN AND THE WORDS CUT OFF. Even though I don't like Family Guy, I detest watching the squares pop around and totally hate to watch TV with the words getting chopped off. When we had a dish, the squares and the words getting chopped off was one of my BIGGEST pet peeves.

So tell me, why are we being forced to give up something that wasn't BROKE to start with? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

We are so waiting for the last possible minute to hook up the converter in the living room.

I'm finished.

Let's Talk: DO NOT TOUCH THE WII

This morning I hop out of bed excited to get started on my Wii Mission of Torture, when much to my surprise IT WILL NOT TURN ON. The horror. The agony. Will I ever get to use my beloved Wii again. Have I said my last goodbye to my Wii Mii? What will the Yoga instructor laugh at now?

First evidence, my Wii Fit DVD is sticking out of the Wii.
Not Good.
Power-nope
Check the connections, all is good.
Reset button - check
Unplug cords and plug em' back up - nothing

Panic sets in, what will I do?
Am I doomed to sign that 18 month long contract with the Gym 2000 just to be able to get my fitness on, because I have to have a trainer, right?

Okay, Kaye shake it off, there has to be an explanation. I'll just box everything back up and return it to Wal-Mart. They'll take it back if they know whats good for them.

Slide the Wii out of its snugly little spot under the TV and low and behold (imagine a golden glowing light) the owners manual with a troubleshooting section.

If your Wii does not power up, please unplug all connections for 2 minutes and plug back up. This won't work, I've done that, but at the speed of light because of the panic attack.

2 minutes pass and GLORY TO GOD that pretty little blue light come back on and all was well at the Butler Manor.

Whew. That was close.

Something clicked in my silly little head. Tuesday night after all the torture I went through with the demon Yoga woman (I know a few minutes ago I couldn't live without her, now that I have her back I can talk about her), Tim comes home, we go to bed and he wants to watch a movie. I tell him to go get it from the DVD PLAYER. He yells at me I can't get it to come out, you come do it. So I do. He had pushed all the buttons on the DVD player and the DVD was stuck. I worked on it, turned it off and reset it and it finally spit out the DVD. I noticed the light on the Wii was off then, but really thought nothing of it, knowing I had just used it and turned it off. GIGANTIC LIGHTBULB TURNS ON ABOVE MY HEAD. I stomp back to my bedroom where the little angel lays sleeping (it is 5:30 am) and I gently shake him and say....
ME: Darling, did you touch the Wii the other night when you were messing with the DVD player?
TIM: UMmmmm sleepy
ME: DARLing, did you touch my Wii?
(notice I said my Wii, technically the girls received this from us as a Christmas Present, but whos keeping score? ME)
TIM: I dunno, I'm sleepy
ME: DARLING, DID YOU FREAKING TOUCH THE WII OR NOT?
TIM: Um I think so, I made that game pop out, pushed a few buttons...
ME: Oh, Oh, Oh, YOU SO CAN'T TOUCH THE WII EVER EVER EVER AGAIN. I still love you though cutie.

(He is skating on thin ice)

Okay, so crisis averted, the exercises continued and thanks to that handy dandy memory card, all my achievements/torture was not lost.

Here's a few of my favorite yoga positions/torture techniques. I took these with my cell phone, I was delirious with pain and couldn't look for my real camera.
The Half Moon: Notice my center of balance red dot RIGHT WHERE IT SHOULD BE in the middle of the Yellow Circle: Yay ME!

The Warrior: My other favorite, notice my red bar RIGHT ON THE BLUE LINE, Perfect, Yay ME again.

The Tree: Impossible to do perfect, which is why I took the picture while she was demonstrating. My Red dot looks like an etch-a-sketch gone crazy during this pose.

And the best for last
The Dance: If you will notice the red dot way off in the left hand corner, so far from the yellow circle. It stayed there and you could not even hear the yoga instructor because my red dot was causing this horrible WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP sound. Also this is just the first part of the dance. There was no way I was going to let Taylor take a picture of the bending over part of the Dance. I'm sure she would have gotten me in the picture. Then I would have to live with the fact that I caused you all so much pain and suffering. It would have been burned into your eyes for life.


Come join the girls and I at the track this afternoon. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU.

The C.I.A needs a Wii

The Japanese have come up with a new secret torture device. They began by marketing this product last year as a video game for kids and with the ultimate plan of getting them addicted and then moving on to the adults in the form of promises of FITNESS promises. It worked, everyone rushed out and bought a Wii and Wii fit, there are still some places that have a waiting list. I say this to those on the waiting list RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN. ITS A TRICK.

Maybe the C.I.A. should use the Wii Fit as a terrorist torture thingy. (technical term used here on this blog often)
Start with the Tree, then throw in a little standing knee/sitting chair technique, that should have the suspect quivering in their boots, I was and I wasn't even wearing boots. If that doesn't get them confessing, then by George whip out a little bit of the TRIANGLE. The suspect will confess to anything you tell him to confess to. I would.

This afternoon the girls and I walked the track. Some of Mary Margaret's friends were there, she thought she was going to get to play around, not happening. I'm a slave driver, if I've got to endure the torture, I'm not watching kids laze around. These little brain steeling, hormone explosions sat and watched as we walked, jogged, and climbed the bleachers with their mouths open. Take that retched teenagers.

Because I had not had enough humiliation/torture I decided to whip the Wii's butt during the President's speech. I'm sure he will understand that I need to be fit during this economic downward spiral.

I did the regular Yoga that I have somewhat mastered mutilated. (Deep Breathing, Warrior (my fav), Salute the Sun (stupid because you are supposed to touch your toes, I just wave at mine) Half moon, just to name a few.
I tried some new yoga and a few strength training exercises too.
New Yoga
Palm Tree: Not as hard as it looked, actually it was a piece of cake.
Cobra: Lay flat on stomach and hold yourself up stretching for the sky. Not bad at all.
Chair: Not for the elderly, out of shape young people, or even your enemies. You have to stand on your toes, hold your arms straight out in front, and then squat and stand. This strengthens your ankles. My toes were screaming..."Please, we'll wave back at you if you just stop this and go back to saluting the sun!"
Moving right along...
Downward Facing Dog: Save the comments on this one please. You start out on your knees, push up with your feet and basically salute the sun/moon with your rear end for 30 seconds/eternity. Again with the toes screaming at me, along with the total body shaking, kind of like jello. "Watch it wriggle, watch it jiggle," and all that jazz. I did it and collapsed in a heap of quivering jello.
Dance: Grab your foot behind you, stretch for the sky while pulling your leg up behind you. Left foot so-so. Taylor was watching me at this point. I did mention that I fired her last week or so. Right foot, not so great. I could not grab my right foot. So I thought, I'll give it a little bounce and catch it. I bounce my foot on the Wii board and try to catch my foot. Taylor falls out of the chair, rolling on the floor laughing and screaming at me, "Thats so not how the Yoga woman did it" over and over. She is SO FREAKING FIRED.

And now, saving the best for last, the position that will make grown men cry, terrorist confess, and big girls scream...

Drum roll please....

The TRIANGLE
Oh.My.Gosh.

It is a combination of Salute the Sun/Warrior BACKWARDS. I don't think I made the triangle shape at all, more like twisted triangle/octagon shape. You are supposed to touch your right toes with your left hand while holding your right hand toward the sky, looking at your finger tips and oh, please don't forget to breathe. I didn't think anymore about my jiggly butt/bouncy boobs. I was withering on the floor with rib cramps. Can your ribs cramp? I think I pushed my kidneys out in front of my stomach.
Then I jackknifed.
Not your normal sit ups. You form a V shape for 15 seconds and then release. I should have some great looking abs in a few years, because it's gonna take me that long to uncramp.

Have a great night yall.

Will Yoga Help My Big Rear End?

This morning I fought like a Warrior and Saluted the Sun, waved at my toes, crouched like a lion, stood like a tree and completed a half moon, and that my friends all happened between 5:45 am and 6:00 am.

Yoga, me and the Wii. I like the Yoga instructor, I've said that before, but, there's always a but, she made me feel all warm and fuzzy and like I had been hit by a 18 wheeler from behind all at the same time. Half moon position will MESS YOU UP, it stretches your muscles in your sides, it hurts. The Standing Knee position was the hardest one that I tried this morning. You start off by standing on your right foot and bring your left knee up level with your waist, grab it with your hands and pull it in towards you, 10 TIMES. That worked well I thought as I watched my red dot (represents my center of balance) jump all over the screen like an etch-a-sketch gone wild, I got ZERO points.

The most exciting exercise is in strength training.
Push ups.
Don't laugh.
I have the upper body strength of a wet noodle.
Instructor: Just mirror my movements, stay in the center of balance and push up with the 1st whistle and down with the 2nd whistle.
Me: No problem
I'm on my knees, hands evenly apart on the Wii board, waiting on the first whistle.
I push up on the first whistle, shaking like a scared little puppy all the way up, I'm sure my face is purple...
Instructor: Kaye, don't forget to breathe, and you are a little shaky, your upper body muscles need a lot of work, you should work out every day..
Me: Thanks. (I really did forget to breathe on my way up)
Instructor: You should be on your toes and it feels like you are on your knees
Me: What the heck, how does she know this?
Instructor: Oh, you've got to keep those shoulders square and don't let your stomach touch the floor.
All that happened on the first push up. You can only imagine what the other NINE were like.

Question: Should I start a different blog for all my weight/exercise whining? You may want me to after you read whats coming next...

Will Yoga help my big rear end?
The nice Yoga instructor says so. Does she know just how big my rear end is? If I do enough crouching tiger/warrior combos she promises that I will have amazing results in the upper thigh and bottom areas, IF I work with her every day. I'm not asking for a miracle, just would like to get rid of the two beach balls hanging around my backside. Today was one of those days that my rear end bothered me all day. Every time I took a step it taunted me "I'm here to stay Kaye, no matter what you do I'm not leaving" I could feel it jiggle with every step I took. I think I bumped into three or four people at one time. By the end of the day I was so irritated.

Want to know what else irritates me? I found this one blog that I thought was going to inspire me to keep going with the weight loss. I was looking forward to a juicy, heart breaking story of one overweight woman fighting her way to a thinner her... What I found was the struggles of a woman who was maybe 15 or 20 lbs overweight. I'm just gonna say it... SKINNY PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WHINE. Its just not right.

I'll get to walk at least 4 times this week outside...Thursday I'm taking the afternoon off so I can go to Souper Super at the Church. I'm excited.

Happy 14th Birthday YARM14YOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Mary Margaret turns 14 today.
I'll post more later.

Happy Birthday, I love you more than you can ever imagine.
Mary Margaret, Taylor Witcher, & Michelle Cameron

We're Doing What?

We're doing what? Is the reaction that I got when I told the girls we were not only walking the track, we are going to take a side track and also walk the bleachers. They looked at me like "she's lost her freakin mind".

They were right.

Only I didn't know that until last night about 11:30 when I decided I needed to get up out of the bed for some water. I couldn't move without silently screaming at the top of my lungs. What happened? Did someone weld my knees in the fetal position while I wasn't looking. Grabbed up the oil can and oil my old bones up and finally made it from and back to the bed. This morning it was a little better. I opted for Yoga instead of aerobics with the Wii this morning. I like the Yoga trainer better. She's so nice and soothing. She tells me I'm doing a good job even when my red dot is so far out of the yellow zone I couldn't even find it on the TV this morning. This morning I was a Warrior and I Saluted the Sun in Yoga. Found out there are muscles that hurt while trying to touch your toes, which I can't do, so I waved at them.

No weight loss, no weight gain, today.

We're walking the track again after work today, I am NOT doing the bleachers. Feel free to drop by!

Biggest Loser

There was little to no drama in my real life last night. Can you believe it?

Biggest Loser on NBC provided the drama for me. I could not believe that the pink team, a mother/daughter team had access to the gym all by themselves and they just completely blew it off. Arranged a lounge and goofed off. They had a golden opportunity and just wasted it. I wonder how many people were watching last night, that would have loved to have THAT gym.

The other contestants were banished to work outside. I learned a lot and I feel motivated to use some of the exercises that I saw last night. Get out of the stuffy gym and my house and try it. We'll see.

Emma wanted to know what motivates you? Biggest Loser motivated me this week. If they can do it, I can do it. And I want one of those rowing machines they had. Heck, I need to build a gym onto my house. Since I'm independently wealthy, I'll get right on that.

Tim brought home Tom's Bacon/Cheddar Cheese Fries last night. I had to try one. I asked nicely and he let me have one. (Bad Tim) I am really proud of the fact that I took that one small fry and that's the only one I ate. I didn't feel like Tim was in immediate danger at all. As a matter of fact, it really wasn't that great. Go me!

If you need a good laugh, I'll be a the track at the high school today during lunch. I may need the hearse, call me, I'll tell you were the keys are so you can bring me one.

P.S. The Wii said ugly things to me this morning during my workout. I'm not speaking to it today. Seriously.

Updates

Remember to check out Sandy's Pearrls for the latest on Grant. He's doing better! Remember them in your prayers.

The Wii says I have lost another 4.5lbs. Whoop! Whoop!

And even better than that, after just one week of medicine (500mg Metformin) and four weeks of starvation and no Dr. Peppers my sugar was .......93......last night. Thank you to all of you who have given me your support and prayers. I seem to be on the right track, the hungry one. (just kidding)

Confession
I think that I might know why I didn't feel good on Valentines and had to pass up Valentine dinner with Tim. There was a slight accident Saturday that involved me, cookie dough, homemade pizza and blood sugar at 250. It all happened so fast, it was a blur, I didn't even know what hit me and then it was over and I felt horrible the rest of the day and night. YARM13YOL is not the best person for support. She was all "go ahead, there's nothing stopping you, your a grown woman, go for it."
She's fired. Taylor is double fired. She was all, "no body is standing in your way, I'll make you some sweet tea or maybe I could buy you a Dr. Pepper." Alyssa, my niece, the 5 year old, is hired as my support person. Alyssa was all "hey, those are my cookies you aren't supposed to be eating those! My momma says you are only supposed to drink water, you can't have a Dr. Pepper. You are crazy if you eat that cookie dough, it is not cooked yet. You could get really bad stuff from stuff not cooked and you should never ever do crack" Problem, Alyssa is only here on the 2nd and 4th weekends. I'm wondering if Alyssa thinks I have a crack problem. She mentions it a lot to me. Maybe she just wants me to be healthy.

Chicken, Chicken and more Chicken

Chicken can be defined several different ways.
For example, someone could dare you to jump off a bridge, you don't accept the challenge, and said person could taunt you, calling you "chicken, chicken, bock, bock, bock, chicken".
Chicken is a barnyard animal that lays eggs and also my choice of lunch and dinner here lately.
Also, most of you know that my brother-in-law raises chickens and has laying hens.

At the Butler Manor, we discuss chickens, mainly when I'm cooking breakfast.
It's Saturday, I'm cooking the last of the breakfast, called the man to the table SEVERAL times, all three of the girls are sitting quietly, sorry I was dreaming, all of them were talking non-stop, two of them looked like they had just gotten out of a chicken nest and smelled like a pig pin.
I hear:
Alyssa: No it don't
YARM13YOL: Yes it does, meemaw said so.
Taylor: I don't think so.
Me:What are yall talking about?
YARM13YOL: Meemaw said all food has salt in it. So this egg already had salt in it before you cracked it.
Me: Um, I don't see how.
YARM13YOL: I want to know what the chicken does to get the salt in the egg before she lays it.
Remember, she's only smart once a day, and recently she brought down her A in math to a B because she feels it's better to have a B than an A. She's smart that way. Ask her.

Please form a single file line. Everyone will get their chance to be me, but only one at a time.

Sunday. I'm putting things back in the refrigerator, because I cleaned it. Why? Well, um, I pulled out a drawer and saw this long black thing under it. Creepy, right? Nope. It was a brand new sharpened pencil. I know, what the heck? Maybe I hide all the pencils from the kids while I sleep walk and mess up their rooms, wear all their clothes, and use up all the dishes. Just something I like to do in my spare time. Seriously, I can't explain the pencil.

Back to story...
I bought a 30 pack of eggs (I did some baking this weekend), the package was the Styrofoam on bottom with a paper crate top.
Taylor: Hey, Kaye kaye,. come here.
Me:ok (she opens the door to the fridge and points at eggs)
Taylor:What kind of eggs are those? I thought these looked like chicken eggs. That was funny wasn't it?
Me: Um, Taylor, those are chicken eggs.
Taylor: For serious?
Me: Pretty serious.
Taylor: Okay

Okay. I'll let you all be me two at a time, I want as many as possible to experience my life.

Taylor has two new friends that are twins. She's talking to them right now and it is so fun to sit here and listen to her talk to them. Their names are Reba and Peachie. It is so funny.
Example
Tim: I sure am glad ya'll go to school Monday.
Taylor to Reba/Peachie: Dang, I've got to go to school. Do ya'll?
She starts to giggle...
I said...Taylor, you have classes with them.
Taylor: OH MY GOSH, I can't believe I said that!
She dies laughing, so do the twins, me, basically, we all laugh.
Blonde moment.

6lb 11oz Prayer Request

My cousin, Erin and her husband Russ, have a new addition to their family. Grant Aston was born Thursday. He is so beautiful. His Grammy, Sandy Brawner, is the author of Sandy's Pearrls. Please visit Sandy's blog and remember Grant, and his family in your prayers.

YARM13YOL Lives One More Day

YARM13YOL makes it one more day. She's lucky, very very lucky.

What has she done now? It was horrible.

She

Shared

A

Chocolate Covered Pretzel

With

ME.

I thought, it's just one, it won't be that bad.
She doesn't know how close to meeting her maker she came to yesterday afternoon. I saw the bright light behind her, waiting with the door open... I restrained myself and the light faded and YARM13YOL was spared. I asked her for a second one after I inhaled the first one in seconds. I had to restrain myself from grabbing her little hand and jerking her up front with me and devouring that bag of pretzels and possibly her hand, wonder how I would explain the missing hand? (Note to self, it is not a good idea to let them buy a snack after school and let them eat it on the way home.) When she handed me the second one, she was a little scared, I turned just enough for Taylor to see me, I think the color drained from her face. I'm sure I transformed into a monster so horrific, glistening teeth, green eyes, warts with hair springing up everywhere. I breathed real slow and said "Little girl, hand over a pretzel, I won't harm you, insert evil laugh, ha ha ha ha ha".

Taylor made a smarter selection, Cheddar Cheese Combos. Not my favorite. She looked a little disappointed when I just ate one of hers and nothing happened. You know one kid wants what the other kid got so to speak.

My friend, who shall remain nameless, substitute teacher is more chicken than my girls. She called me and told me over the phone about "candy proofing" her house. She said she would only tell me about it since I was already home, miles away, "up on that hill with all them Butler's and no mother wing built on my house, waiting for the trumpets to sound" (inside joke, that was for you dear nameless friend). She found some Resses Peanut butter cups, while removing them, the wrappers flew off 3 of them and they started to fall and landed right in her mouth. Sounds believable? Then she tells me that she canceled those peanut butter cups out with some apples dipped in caramel. She's so funny.

YARM13YOL is speaking to me again. ALOT.
Taylor is about to die for tickets to see Taylor Swift and Kellie Pickler. She told our hairdresser that she wanted to change her name to Taylor Swift.

Make Out Session Canceled

I went home instead of going to church last night. I was tired. I attended a meeting Tuesday night and did not get home until 10PM, so I was ready to be home Wednesday.

Which means...(you must read the previous post if you haven't already)

There was no...

Bow-Chick-a-Bow-Bow for YARM13YOL after church.
No kissy, kissy.
No hugging
No whatever her idea of a MAKE OUT SESSION with Mr. Slime Ball
(As a parent, aren't you allowed to call the boyfriend who wants to make out with your 13 year old a Slime ball? It is my blog, right?)
She's not talking to me.
She tried to wear flip flops today to school...it's 43 degrees outside.
I wanted to run the air conditioner in the van on the way to school this morning since it's SUMMER TIME and all.

Taylor has made friends with the "money taker", to quote Taylor, in the cafeteria at school. This lady gave Taylor a note, with the concert dates for Kelly Pickler and Taylor Swift, tickets go on sale this Friday and I'm going to try to score some for Taylor's 13th Birthday present. They are her idols.

I went to the doc for my follow up yesterday. He said "I'm so proud of you! Your blood pressure is perfect, you've lost 10 pounds, but...

There is always a but...

Your sugar is still not where I want it so, I'm starting you on meds. 500 mg daily of Metformin along with the three pills I'm already taking for the blood pressure. Plus, I have to stay on my diet.

I swear I'm starting to sound like an old lady, "Girlie, I take 50 pills a day, I've got blah blah blah"

Whats new with ya'll?

Clean Your Kids Rooms...

I cleaned YARM13YOL and Taylor's rooms this weekend. I basically got mad and sent them packing to their grandparent's house for the day Sunday.

First let me tell why I got mad. Saturday YARM13YOL spent almost all day being mad, okay, no, she was just down right pissed. Why. I have not a clue. After running a few errands, I took them to Jonesboro, out to eat, Hobby Lobby (she was kind of happy there) bowling (she couldn't win right off the bat, so I think that had something to do with the anger) and out to eat a 2nd time. The anger subsided somewhere around 3:30 a tiny bit. She must have slept on it and carried it over to Sunday. She got up mad. I asked her to sort the whites and colored clothes. She tells me she's finished. NOTHING had been separated. I asked her again.

You are going to love this...

She started sorting the clothes WITH HER TOES. One sock at a time SLOWLY.
I said, come on now, do it like I do and get it done so we can get ready for church.
She flops down on the floor so hard, she shook the pictures on the wall. I'm surprised she didn't break her tail bone.
I said stand up.
She crouched.
I said stand up.
She didn't.
Fine. I moved her out of the way and did it myself. She won. She didn't have to do anything.

Thats when I decided that I would just ship them, one-drive-way-away to the grandparents for the day. No church, no lunch after church, no Wal-mart and no going to Erin's. (For some reason she thought I was going to Erin's).

So back to the cleaning room thing...
I threw away 3 bags of trash out of YARM13YOL room and 2 bags from Taylor's room. When I say trash, I'm talking...
1. Tiny pencils. Why. Who could possible need a pencil that barely measures on the ruler.
2. Tiny pieces of paper. Everywhere, with tiny little notes on them.
3. Notes from friends - which YARM13YOL says she never writes notes to friends in school.
4. Notes written during class back and forth, interesting notes. For instance, I found out exactly why she was so mad the night I decided to head home and not stay in town for church a couple of Wednesday's ago. She was fire spitting mad. I was making her look like a liar in front of all of her friends, because she had PROMISED them she would be there. The little note shed a BIG light on the subject. She had made plans to "make out" with a boy after church. Why are their hormones so different from ours, when we were that age?
5. HANGERS. I found HANGERS. There is not a black hole in my house sucking up the hangers. They are under beds, shoved in the bottom of closets, behind dressers hanging out with THOUSANDS of tubes of lip gloss and hair bows.
6.Sweet Tarts. I found tons of sweet tarts in Taylor's room. Old Sweet Tarts.
7. I stepped on a tack in Taylor's room. Fun.

That's about it. I do not have a creative bone left in my body, my creativeness got left behind on the elliptical machine at GYM 2000 today, clinging for life, begging for water, lusting after a nice cold Dr. Pepper.

Back In the Day...

April 10, 2009
Mary Margaret has a favorite phrase she uses when she is asking me questions about my time as a kid/teenager, "Back in the Day".

I'm going back...

The girls and I have had some serious discussions over the last two weeks. They have both been subjected to some really cruel remarks this week, by some girls that I thought were considered good friends of MM and Taylor. Back in the day I don't remember kids my age being just down right mean. I'm sure there was some name calling but not like the kids are doing today. I have been totally shocked by the things the girls have been talking about this week.

This is the first story that I got from Taylor (for 2 weeks the story has not changed, which tells me, Taylor is not fibbing)

She was telling a young lady about her bedroom, what color, about her bed, etc.
Her good friend interjected with this "You can't live with your mom because she's a Hoe and jumps from man to man". Yes, this was said by a CHILD which just blows my mind. Yes this was said by someone who has spent a lot of time with us on the weekends, been to the movies with us, Jonesboro, birthdays, etc. Why would she want to humiliate Taylor this way? Of course, Taylor told her sister about it, and her feeling were hurt too. No matter what your parents are doing, you love them and something said like that hurts. Mary Margaret and this young lady have been very close since about the 3rd grade. Since this was said the name calling has escalated and other girls have gotten involved, yes, I thought the other girls were their friends too. I have told my girls to turn the other cheek and stay away. I'm pretty sure they have, with the exception of Taylor telling a teacher that they were cussing in the bathroom. Over the past two weeks Mary Margaret has gone from mad, to "should I apologize?", to worried, to crying, and now just plain ol' tired of it all. The "should I apologize" to me was crazy, apologize for what? Taylor was mad, to worried this boy was going to kick her butt for the girls, to tired of the whole mess. I am tired of the mess too. I'm probably making this worse for them by talking about it, I'm sure these girls read my blog. We pray for them every morning, both the girls have said that they have forgiven these girls, but are not going to return to the friendship. Mary Margaret broke down one night and confessed all the things this good friend has been saying about me over the years, which makes me feel stupid for not seeing that this child couldn't stand me. I see it now.

As far as I know, they've only called Mary Margaret a F'n B**** and A-Hole, which she has heard herself.

Taylor hasn't fared so well. Last week she had STD's (which she didn't even know what that was) she's been called all kinds of lovely names, F'n B****, A-Hole, F'n Snitch, etc. Yesterday she was pregnant and to top it off, she sat at the back of the bus, like I told her too, with a young lady that is claiming to be bi-sexual.

I'm just as shocked as you all are. There are kids in the Jr. High who claim to be bi-sexual. Last week two girls were caught making out in the girls bathroom. That was a fun conversation...
MM: Two girls got caught making out in the girls bathroom today. They'll will probably get in school suspension.
ME: Why won't the boys get suspension.
MM: Kaye Kaye, there wasn't any boys, these girls are "dating"
ME: (cough cough) OH.
Then we had the the talk.

The kids today fling the word gay around today like its nothing. When I was in the 7th grade I remember being scared to death to say that word. I honestly don't remember saying it. Our society has accepted it and it seems normal to these kids today. I didn't come home from school wondering what a blow job was, I didn't get called pregnant, I never wondered what an STD was. We did have health class. Health was the only place I ever heard about those things. 7th graders were not allowed to have 20 year old boyfriends. I could go on for days. There is so much DRAMA in the schools.

The kids today cuss like nobody's business. I'm almost 100 percent sure that my girls don't cuss. I may be a fool but I don't think so. Same good friend of MM asked me one time to not tell MM what LMAO stands for because MM gets so upset when she cusses. I told her she shouldn't be cussing.

This is the world our kids are growing up in folks and it's a scary one. I'm proud to say we are Christians and have the grace of God on our side.

* * * * * * * * * * *
I need to officially retired the blog nick name YARM14YOL. Over the last year Mary Margaret has really grown up. We do not fight as much, as a matter of fact over the last 6 months or so, there have been absolutely no shouting matches. God is definitely working over here at the Butler Diaries.

Subsitute Chuckles

A friend of mine recently decided it was time to jump back into the workforce with both feet. She applied for several jobs hoping to get a call from someone soon. She calls me one day to ask for my advice, bestow my wisdom on her, so to speak.
"Should I apply to Substitute Teach?"
"If you want to." (can't you hear all the wisdom pouring forth for her to soak up and use later?)
We both say all the time...I LOVE kids I want 20 more, whining, begging, complaining, wonderful little angels.
She continued to ask my advice...
She says "On this application, they want to know why I want a job." she asks, "Should I put, I don't like kids, can't stand them, but if you give me a job I promise to not cause bodily harm and be as nice as $55 a day will allow me to be."

Again, I bestow my wisdom..."Um, that could work two ways, for ya. They either totally "get" your honesty or call the cops. You decide."

She must have really impressed them or she was the only one that passed her criminal background test, because today, she got her call.

2nd grade

She called, all excited because today was the first day of the rest of her life, today she became a SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

The excitement, lasted until she got to school and the class came in.
It went a little something like this...
KID: Hey what's your name. You are supposed to write your name on the board so we know your name.
KID: Can I call you Judy?
FRIEND: No, you can not call me Judy.
KID: Why not, I want to call you Judy.
FRIEND: No, you can't call..
KID: WHY, I want to call you Judy.
FRIEND; BECAUSE JUDY IS NOT MY NAME.
FRIEND: get quiet
FRIEND: Get Quiet
FRIEND: GET QUIET
FRIEND: I SAID GET QUIET!!!!!
KID:We don't act like this everyday.
FRIEND: I bet you are, thats why Mrs XXXX looked so dang tired and bolted from the room as soon as I got there. Im sure you are good all the time.
FRIEND: If I ever, ever have to come back to this room, I'm bringing the principal.

Now back to me...
I've lost 7.5 lbs. My pressure is on track. I don't feel so close to death after working out and I'm not having a problem resisting food. I can tell you that I can not be near an open or poured Dr. Pepper. As a matter of fact, I can almost taste one right now. Someone slap me out of it.

Day 3 of TORTURE

I had a set back on Wednesday. We'll not discuss it, although its not as bad as you might think, I did not have a Dr. Pepper.

Today I am back on track with a vengeance. Worked out with the Wii this morning, ate my 100 CALORIE muffin for breakfast (who knew those things existed, thanks Dianne), worked on my fitness at the gym and ate a healthy lunch. I must say, I feel much better today than I did yesterday. That ol' nasty fast food is EVIL.

Today, while at GYM 2000 sweating buckets, seriously, I expected Carol Burnett to come by with her mop bucket to mop up the puddles, Dianne, got me tickled. This elliptical machine confuses me. I think that I should not be all bouncy on this thing, so, I say, hey is this right? Bouncing...then I try the hold my upper body still and just move my legs...she compared me to the Hobbits in Lord of the Rings when they run. Seriously? Then I tried to imagine it. Kind of like the Road Runner getting ready to take off just as Wylie coyote is coming around the corner. I got so tickled...I could feel a giggling fit coming on. I concentrated really hard on the song playing on the "borrowed" Ipod and got my rhythm back.

What Dianne doesn't know...if I fell off and wrapped myself up around that thing like a pretzel, she was coming down with me, AND I would not let her push that emergency stop button. Wouldn't those "road" burns be something to explain?

I just noticed the emergency stop buttons today. Dianne says they are there, just in case you fall and need to stop the tread mill...translates to...the gym owners do not want you walking down the street with tread mill burn on your face. Bad for business.

Update on the sugar and bloodpressure...my sugar is averaging between 125 to 170, which is way better. Drum roll please.... 144/88 was my pressure yesterday, how close to perfect can I get? Looks like medicine for me. Tim says that I'm going to have to get me one of those m-t-w-t-f-s-s containers, because I'm so forgetful. He said like an "old lady" and Taylor said NO, LIKE A GRANDMA. Whatever. I'm working on my fitness, I'll show them.

I'm still missing my Dr. Pepper. The waitress at the Chinese resturant had my Dr Pepper sitting on the table ready and waiting. I had asked for water, she just wasn't listening. I could smell the Dr. Pepper, feel the fizz on the tip of my nose, it was hard to not break down. Finally, after Dianne had to put it out of my reach, the waitress brought me a water, she was confused, she'll get over it. Food is not as big a problem as I thought it would be.

Tell me why I'm having the weirdest dreams...
#1 I dreamed about a beautiful baby, curly hair, big blue eyes, happy, except, I wanted to pick its nose and it would not let me.

#2 I dreamed that the dentist came to my house and cleaned my teeth all night long. Then told me I had a rotten tooth and cleaned my teeth more without drugs.

What's up with that?

My Life has a witness!!!!

I know most of you sit in your little worlds, saying "Now that Kaye, she just makes all this stuff up. There's no way those kids can say so much off the wall stuff."

I HAVE A WITNESS.

Sandy Brawner is my witness. She works here at the Funeral Home on Wednesdays and Fridays. Today she had the pleasure of witnessing my life "live".

On Wednesdays, my baby sitter drops the girls off at the Funeral Home because of piano lessons. YARM13YOL was the first one in the door. We had a customer, so I pointed to the "blue room" door. (This is a room rarely use where they go to do homework stop laughing and other junk until I get off). When I pointed...YARM13YOL rolled her eyes and sulled up, like I had done something rotten to her personally. Taylor went straight to the blue room. Sandy witnessed this. We laughed.

Then...

YARM13YOL comes out of the blue room a little later, asked for a calculator.
ME: Could you wait until we get home to do the math homework?
YARM13YOL: It's science.
ME: Ok, put your glasses back on.
YARM13YOL: But I can see.
ME: Then you don't need glasses.
YARM13YOL: No, I need them, I just can't read words with them.

I told you all that I could never make this stuff up!

This is where you all say (dramatically) OHhhhhhh, I so want to be Kaye.


This morning on the way to school YARM13YOL informed me that she was tired of me asking "Have you been smart 1 time today." So I say, "You should never had told me that you were only smart 1 time a day. "

She said...

"That's why I'm changing to "I'm only smart on the weekends."

I'm looking forward to my weekends, how 'bout you all?

Working on My Fitness

Im "working on my fitness" this line stolen from the talented pop singer Fergi. That is what was playing on my borrowed Ipod (YARM13YOL) as I bounced my way to a fitter me today at GYM 2000.

My sister-in-law talked me into joining the gym and working out for 30 minutes at lunch and using the last 30 minutes of my lunch to eat and change back for work.

I grabbed up my tennis shoes, work out Capri's, tee shirt and socks this morning, cooked my lunch, Taylor packed it and I had everyone to school just right on time. I impressed myself.

I told the guys at work that I was going to the Gym during lunch to kill myself. The response? Drive the hearse and make your own pick-up. I feel loved.

I have always turned my nose up at the joining the gym, not because Im stuck up, because I didn't want everyone to fall down rolling on the floor laughing at me. As I looked around today, NOONE was watching me because they were in their own world of physical, gut wrenching, pain. One guy looked like his head would explode. I've never seen anyone turn that shade of purple.

I did 20 minutes on the Elliptical Machine and 10 on the tread mill. I have never used an elliptical machine before today. I don't know how funny I looked, but I can tell you how funny I felt. I seriously will have to find some work out sports bra thingy, because, wow, the girls were everywhere, who knew fat was so bouncy. I was afraid for anyone to walk to close to me, I could have put out an eye, I was really worried about my own eyes and tried to not look down too much. Also, if I looked down, my swift rhythm would be thrown off, and then everyone would be rolling on the floor, because that machine would have messed me up good. Imagine having to untangle me from a knot around the elliptical machine. Entertaining I'm sure. Now that I am aware of the fat being bouncy, I feel it bounce every time I walk. That's going to get annoying.

My legs felt great like jello or maybe stretched out rubber bands most of the afternoon and of course my fat wiggled like jello too. Again, annoying.

Tonight, I cooked Rib-eye steaks and asparagus and fried potatoes/onions. I was not strong. I ate two forks of potatoes. It was a moment of weakness and I crumbled. After a few slaps to the face and I was back on track. I think I should point out that tonight is the first time I have ever cooked asparagus. It was sinfully tasty. Taylor and Mary Margaret both loved it to.

Oh...check out my guest post at County and Loving It, click this link... Dianne Wants to Call 911

Other annoying recounts of today...
One of my bosses had a Dr. Pepper in the office today. I told him to stay away from me if he wanted to keep his hand. 10 days, no Dr. Pepper. He must have thought I was joking, because he walked over to me with the open can and put it right in my face (like an inch from my eye - I could do a whole post on that pet peeve). I said, seriously, if you want to live, you will take your Dr. Pepper and leave. He left. I think he saw the wild in my eye and feared for his life. He better get with the program.