Small Town Homecoming Week

This week in Homecoming Week for our school. Tons of activities are happening. I remember my first real date was to the Homecoming Game and dance in 1988. Way back when...shall I bore you with the details?

It rained. I was in the marching band, tenor sax player, and it rained, oh, I said that. The band uniforms were hot and wet. I had to rush home after the game, dry all that hair, because wow, I had long thick hair and I had planned on HOT ROLLING IT. I wore pink stir up pants and a pink top with a 3/4 zipper in the front, huge coin dangling earrings, a Swatch Watch, ked tennis shoes and HOT ROLLED HAIR and I totally had the teased bangs, and the "wings", you know what I'm talking about...you take your comb, pull your hair straight out, drench it with hair spray and blow the hair spray dry, and vavoom...wings, major wings. If you didn't have the wings, who was gonna see those totally rad earrings? I was totally awesome dude. I had a date with XXXX XXXXX. He was nice and he asked so I went, but, so sad for my date, I was so totally into someone else who did not know that I was even alive. My date picked me up, I was excited because no boy had been allowed to pick me up until now. I think that Homecoming Dance and also the 1989 Prom were the only dances that I actually danced at. The rest, we just hung out. As for my date that night, it was the first and last date with him.

Present day...I'll attend the Homecoming without a date, Tim's football going days ended when I graduated high school. I'll sit with YARM13YOL and her "meet him at the game date" and Taylor who hasn't "gotten a boy yet" as she puts it.

This week at the Jr. High you will see, Jersey Day, Celebrity Day, Bling Bling Day, Hat & Shade day, and of course Spirit Day/Blue & Gold Day. Today, Taylor went as Sara Palin and MM went as ....her math teacher, Mrs. Byassee. Sorry, I did not get pictures of them, but I did get pictures of the.....

POWDER PUFF FOOTBALL GAME!!!! Senior Girls play the Junior Girls in football. Anna, our baby sitter is a senior this year... we were invited so we went to see her play. I don't remember this during my senior year. I missed alot that year because I was in GCECA, which was the work program.

I sat with Vicki, Anna's mom and had a great time.

The end of the game, Juniors in the White and Seniors in the Black

Anna!

Mary Margaret, Anna, Taylor...

And the score. Its sad but true, the Seniors lost to the Juniors.

Freaky Friday

3 Funerals
Computer problems
A bunch of bosses

FREAKY FRIDAY

Updated...

Do you remember the boss from yesterday that is the professional paper weight guy?

I had all the funeral handouts, memorial pictures, etc. printed for 2 services. He picks it all up and says that I have a birthday wrong, shreds it, looks at the history sheet and says...oh it was right, you'll have to reprint Mr. So-N-So.

No, I had to reprint, 2 Mr. So-N-So's because he didn't pick up just one funeral!!!

Sushi and Sidewalks

I love random titles. What could sushi and sidewalks have in common? In this post, only one thing, they happened on the same day in my world.

Mary Margaret missed school yesterday for an appointment. When we were finally finished, Dianne pointed us to Kirin, Chinese restaurant in Jonesboro. OMG moment for sure! I loved the pickit and they cook it part of the buffet. Mary Margaret saw the sushi. She tried it. Several different kinds. No good. She couldn't even swallow. So, this message is for Joy Shepherd Mary Margaret wanted her to know that she tried it and she is not a sushi lover!

You all know how Tim has not let me live down the cell phone working the TV volume and he won't let me live down the fact that I asked for a seat belt in the bed the other night...

This may not the best story to jab him with but it's all I have...

Me @ 6:30 AM to a sleeping Tim: Tim, we're leaving
Tim: Okay, got your sidewalks?
Me: What did you say?
Tim: Did you remember to get the sidewalks?
Me: (What in the world?) Sure honey, I packed up my sidewalks this morning, we've got them ready to go.
Tim: Good. Love you.

Wonder what that was all about...its been ages since I traveled around with my sidewalks...now the kitchen sink, I take it everywhere.

Next...
My boss is one of the only PROFESSIONAL PAPER WEIGHT PERSON I know. This is an ongoing battle around the funeral home for years.
Boss: Kaye, go get me 24 of the Cream Paper
I come back with 24 pieces of paper EVERYTIME (you would think I would learn)
Boss: Damn it, I have to do everything myself, you know I wanted the 24 weight, 100 sheets.

He can pick up a piece of paper and tell you the whiteness and the weight just by feeling it.

I want to know who taught him this...We need to have a serious talk. This paper issue takes up too much of my time.

Conversations

Taylor: I saw my scientist
Me: Who?
Taylor: I said, I saw my scientist.
Me: I don't know who or what you are talking about.
Taylor: Oh my gosh, I can't believe you don't know who my scientist is.
Me: I wasn't aware that you had your own scientist. Who is she?
Taylor: The lady at Dr. Jackson's office that cleans my teeth.
Me: Okay, I know who you are talking about the Dental Hygienist.
Taylor: That's what I said.

The Pile

Looking through some old photos that belonged to my grandmother I ran across a 1936 newspaper. The reason she kept it? An obit for my grandfather's father. I love the newspaper, I love the history, I love to think about how families read this paper, did they gather together? Did they pour over each little detail until they had it memorized? It was such a different world "way back when" and one person that brought it to life for me and made my imagination fly was my grandmother, Ernestine Brawner.

Today, I carried it to the office. One of my bosses asked me to read some of it, just to see if they could remember some of these people. 3 criminals escaped from the Cummings Farm (what they called a prison for some of my young readers). They were real live bank robbers and one had been convicted of murder. Society Section boasted about Mrs. So-N-So visiting Miss You-Know-Who miles away from home in the metropolis of Memphis, (there was a huge society section). There were ads for Soap Suds for 2 pennies.

The best ad was this...

Pile Suffering Has Ended at Last.
(As I read this to the bosses, I said, what the heck is the Pile?)
I thought they were both going to fall out on the floor...leaving me to pick them up...
Boss: "Haven't you read any of the old obits that said the cause of death was "The Pile"?
Me: Nope
Boss: Well, its for constipation, people would say, I've got Piled Up and they would go buy this medicine made by the biggest Rectal Company in the world.

The ad says...(it may be to small to read)

To thousand of sufferers from the pain of Piles, Thornton & Minor Pile Ointment has brought quick relief. This Private Formula Prescription has been developed through 56 years experience at the world's oldest and largest rectal institution. Only recently available for home use. Try a package on a Money-Back Guarantee. For sale at...

Sutts Drug Company

They Deliver!

How funny is this ad? I didn't even know there was a rectal institution...I know some people who would benefit from this institution...you know them too...all those people that you consider to be "full of crap". And HELLO they DELIVER! Um, hello, this Mrs. So-N-So, I um, need some Pile Ointment delivered TODAY.

AND seriously its ointment? What if you can't reach? I'm just sayin, whose gonna help you?

AND money back guarantee? Didn't my boss just say that some of the causes of death in the 30's was THE PILE? Now thats something to put in the obit, because, hey, back then, they listed the reason for your death. Of course the conversations would have been something like this "Oh my goodness, did you hear about Mr. So-N-So? Oh, dear lord, he died of (whispering) the pile." "Oh, (hand coverin the mouth) thats just awful. I wonder how the misses will get along now? Poor poor woman, he never was good for anything much. We'll take her a dish this afternoon."

Today? "OMG, did you hear? So-N-So finally found out what we've been telling her all along...he was a total SH**. And full of it too apparently!" "Girl, we'll pick her up some KFC this afternoon and dis him all night!"

BTW, I give you all permission to hate me.

Why?

I'm eating homemade chicken and dumplings. I took down the slow cooker (it was a little dusty) put in the onions, celery, cavenders seasoning and chicken leg quarters and let it cook all day. Came home, transferred it to a pot, brought to a boil and added Ann B's frozen dumplings.

Why the look of shock? You really thought that I was Betty Crocker? I'm sorry to dissappoint.

Nothingness

I accomplished nothing this weekend.

Just thought you all should know.
I will be at GNO/Twitter on Tuesday night, Join Me, 10:00 for all of us in Arkansas..

The subject is What is a Feminist?
Should be fun.

FREAKY FRIDAY

It's that time again! Remember you too can join in the fun, just leave me a comment and I will add you to the Freaky Friday Blog Roll.

1. Tuesday: I listened to one of my bosses talk non-stop from 8:30 to 11:45 and then from 2:00 until 4:20. He was talking to insurance sales men who sell for the Funeral Home. I know that he has 83 years all bottled up inside, we've all heard it, so when someone new shows up...It's On!
2. Monday night: Tim comes home late and decides that he needs a JETHRO BOWL of Frosted Flakes and eats them in MY bed, "chomping" as loudly as he can. Of course, I was sleeping until this point. It was like he had a microphone hooked up to a PA system and it seemed to go on for hours. Seriously how long can Frosted Flakes stay crunchy in milk? He laughed at me when I got irritated with all the chomping. Um, don't laugh at me.
3. Thursday night NOBODY SLEEPS. Both girls were up and down with bad dreams, I had funky dreams, Tim was restless. So today, Freaky Friday, I feel and look like I've been run over by a truck and headed to work.
4. Tonight I'm going to the YellowJacket's football game. I'm not excited.
5. I forgot to go by drinks for the office last night and my boss has already let me know he only has 3 Diet Dr. Peppers left. I say, I'll go at lunch, he says...well I guess that will work. Is he REALLY going to drink all three of the NOW?
6. Same boss walks by my desk yesterday, picks up my candy bar, takes a bite (off the opposite end of course) puts it back down, picks up my Diet Dr. Pepper (I'm out of regular so I drank one causing him to have only 3 to start Friday with) gets him a Styrofoam cup and pours my drink into his cup. Walks off. SERIOUSLY I DON'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP.

And Friday has just begun.

Pet Peeves

I am such an easy go lucky, loving life, signing in the rain, talk with animals, skip to my lou kind of gal I call it as I see it.

Pet Peeves...I have plenty of them, this is the first of many to come...

#1: SCHOOL NAME BADGES - plastic card with child's name, grade, bar code (for lunch account and library) and a picture of said child.

My theory is this: These little irritating thorns in my side badges were created by the public school system SO THEY SAY to help keep up with who the kids are, saves time in the lunch line and eliminates the library card. What this card does for me: I have to keep up with it, I have to remind children to attach it to them in the mornings, I have to listen to said children whine about loosing them and having to wear a temporary badge, I have to spend my computer cooking and cleaning time looking for the LOST badges. I have to beg one child not to touch the other child's badge...seriously how is this helping me? I think that someone at this school developed this ugly cute little badge to get back at the parents for SOMETHING, maybe we didn't sign the test with the F on it just right, maybe we fed our kids a bunch of caffeine before school, whatever...I want to know who came up with this idea.

I love MY Friends

My friends are a wonderful collection of amazing women.
Lets play WHO DID IT?(oh, I'm included on this one).

WHO DID IT? (answers added 9/18/2008)

The players: Sandy @ Sandy's Pearrls

Dianne @ Country & Lovin It

Dianna @ (she doesn't blog: she's busy rearranging her furniture & cleaning like a mad woman)

Me @ THIS BLOG

1. Try to kill a mosquito that was outside from the inside while driving. DIANNE
2. Warmed up soup at lunch, went to check on the soup, soup was still cold because it was.....on the wrong burner. SANDY
3. Walks on a tread mill because she is afraid someone will want to abduct her if she walks on the highway, because she be lookin good and all that walking all done up all perfect, sweating like a mule dragging family size deodorant behind, just in case she sees someone DIANNA
4. Wakes up from deep sleep, picks up her cell phone and tries to turn the volume down on the TV and it works. (why does it work? because the loving husband was awake when this happened and used the remote to turn the TV up and down.) This person says to husband..."see I knew this phone would work the TV! so there!" and she promptly went back to sleep. ME
5. Place dinner on cooking sheet, turn on oven and wait for dinner to cook. Go check 15 min or so later, dinner not in oven, where could it be? Has it been stolen? NOOOOO its still sitting on top of the stove never even been put in the oven. DIANNE
6. Sits at stop sign waiting for the light to turn green. ME
7. Picks up child at movies...one child jumps out and back in real quick, adult locks doors and pulls off, hears some knocking, turns around to yell ask nicely to stop the knocking and there is not a child in the back seat...said child is running behind vehicle beating on window screaming, "You're leaving me!" ME
8. Flings cheese from pizza in lunch buddy's' drink DIANNE
9. Used to burn bread after taking it out of the oven and sitting it on a hot burner on the stove SANDY
10. Wakes up from a deep sleep and asks husband for a seat belt in the bed, what kind of seat belt he asks (he really loves to play along with this sleepy person), you know the kind of seat belt that you use as a seat belt. I need one. He says "For the Bed?" Well duh....doesn't everyone? ME
11. Once cooked fried chicken in powdered sugar by mistake. ME
12. Leaves the safety of her house (formerly on Sequoia) drives to the light, takes a right onto Falls Blvd. finds somewhere to turn around pulls back into her driveway and goes back in her house, why? Because she forgot where she was going in the first place. SANDY
13. Looking for her cell phone, she dials...870-588-XXXX, no cell rings, friend on the other end thinks, hum, wonder why that number is calling...hey, why are you calling me? I'm on the phone with you...oh, I was trying to call my cell. She dials 870-588-XXXX, again the friends phone rings...um, you are calling me again...well crap! DIANNA

GNO @ Twitter

Girls Night Out...usually means Nicole and I hit the mall, Chili's or the casino (we really go to the casino because of the seafood buffet)... Carissa invited me to a Girls Night Out @ Twitter.com.

Those who know me...you will be shocked...I had to stay up to 11pm for it to start and partied until almost 1 am! I know, I can't believe it either! AND I got up, got kids to school and myself to work ON TIME!

I had a great time, met a lot of amazing people. There were a few pointers, lots of meet and greet stuff, silliness, and of course snacks, ha ha... I've added most of them to my blog roll and hopefully will have a "follow me" on my blog later. If I missed putting you on my blog roll, leave me a comment and I'll add you, I am at work, so its a little hard to get everyone on right now.

Okay... a little teaser of Dear Wal-Mart...

Dear Wal-Mart,

I think you should know that my dishes are suffering. I have not washed them since Monday. Why? Because I forgot to buy DAWN on Sunday when I was in your store trying to figure out where things are at...you keep moving stuff around. I think that you know when I'm coming to your store and drop everything and speed move your merchandise. I bet you all sit, huddled up in the security room with cokes and chips and laugh at me as I look around in bewillderment...I know that the toilet paper was here yesterday...STOP IT.

Whats that? You want to know why I haven't stopped by to purchase DAWN on my way home from work? Because I'm tired and you put the DAWN at the back of the store, which would require me dragging two kids, girls for that matter, all the way through the store, begging for stuff, which would irritate me.

Let's look to the future...I've got the DAWN and I'm at the counter and the young check out person is scanning like a mad person....wait, all I had was DAWN, where did all the extra stuff come from? What the heck? I have a $5 and you're telling me I've spent $88.99...something is wrong, did I have a basket? I don't think so. Oh, well maybe I did pick up one or two extra things...

Wal-Mart you are slick aren't you, tricky little sucker, you trick us!....

more later...

Blog, blog, blog...

Okay...check out this serious Betty Crocker at Frantic Home Cook I love her blog, but really, she's making me look bad.

And, HELLO, Good and Crazy People is all...Girls Night Out at Twitter...I've joined...so it promises to be a great time, because...I had to have help even remembering my login name...fun times ahead..I'm sure all the other girls will know how to play along...

Girls like Shake the Salt will be at Girls Night Out and she has really cool free stuff on her blog...and such a cute little blog...

And check this out, TheMoreTheMessier is telling us all about her kids who are studying Arabic, centipedes falling from the ceiling (I left a comment about Tim and Green frogs), and she gives great teenage advice!

As if that wasn't enough, Dianne at Country and Lovin It has funny quotes and is cleaning up Arkansas, one mosquito, at a time and get this, raising two boys, while living in rural Arkansas with CHICKENS, and SHE gets to be MY sister-in-law, how lucky could she get in one lifetime?

Ode To Gage

Gage-the "boyfriend" of YARM13YOL, I have met him and for now I like him. If he breaks YARM13YOL heart, IT'S ON BUDDY.

Boyfriend- 7th grade boy, YARM13YOL thinks he's H.O.T., they see each other at school, they walk in a circle at lunch together (I'll explain the circle later), they walk to a couple of classes together, and write notes.

Phone privelage - YARM13YOL has brought all grades up according to Edline (have I ever mentioned how much I like edline? Oh, yeah, I did mention that I would marry Edline if I could...moment of weakness). YARM13YOL has earned the 1st time ever priveilage of having a boy call our house, for 15 minutes each WEEKDAY afternoon. THIS is a big deal in our house, boys haven't been allowed to call even as "friends".Um, tonight when he called, I missed the call and had to listen to his voice mail, asking for my precious little baby girl...oh, it ruffled my feathers in a protective way...

Ode to Gage...
Gage oh Gage, how we love to hear all about you.
Mary Margaret leaves out not one detail,
she even likes your shoes.
The way your hair swishes in the wind,
Mary Margaret just loves her boyfriend.

Gage oh Gage, we hear your name every morning, noon and night
we hear how you are just the right height.
She loves your clothes and your Axe spray cologne.
Your eyes and your voice, gives us no choice,
we have to listen and agree, you two are perfect fit.

When do we get a vote?
We've listened to all your love notes.
Even Tim thinks
that his own love notes to me stink.

We just can't wait to hear what clothes you wear,
how you've combed your hair,even how your sit in your chair.
How she gets the chills when she hears your name.

She looks at you, You look at her
Love explodes balloons fly away, stars sparkle
and doves fly off into the sky
Its so beautiful I could cry.

I love to tease her, I say, I bet even his feet smell good.
She laughs and says, Yup, I would smell his feet if I could.
You are so funny Kaye Kaye, I hope he never goes away.

All of this is written in fun...
Its good to see YARM13YOL happy and being silly.

What is Fornication?

I bet that title caught your eye!

As we were listening last night to Bro. Matt read 1 Thessalonians 4:1-10 Mary Margaret is reading ahead. We have the New King James Version, so in verse 4, where NIV says sexual immorality, our Bible says Fornication. Taylor is sitting on one side and MM on the other. The only thing Taylor is worried about is when is the service going to be over, because she is hungry....MM wants to know what fornication is. She whispers (by the way, she learned to whisper in a saw mill)
"What is fornication?"
"What did you say?"
"What is fornication?"
"Another word for sex"
Eyes bugged out..."Really?"
"Yes, listen to Bro. Matt."
At this point he had finished reading and was explaining very well that we should honor our bodies, abstain from sex, etc...

MM had tried to get her boyfriend to go to the night service with us last night, his mother would not let him. I think it would have been the perfect sermon for them both to hear!

MM was real quite and thoughtful.

This little old lady sitting in front of us, when we got ready to leave, wanted to know how I answered the fornication question...see, I told you that Mary Margaret was a really GOOD WHISPERER.


1 Thessalonians 4: 3-4
4:3 For this is God’s will: that you become holy,4 that you keep away from sexual immorality, 4:4 that each of you know how to possess his own body5 in holiness and honor,

Lots of Wind equals no Electricity

This morning, the promised high winds from "Ike" showed up here in Wynne, Arkansas. At 6 AM we lost electricity and still do not have any now. I looked out and the trees were "bending over" to the point that I moved my van to a better spot, there are still trees everywhere, but at least I moved it away from the HUGE trees. So far, we've already lost our last apple tree, which had just started producing apples again this year, the ice storm 8 years ago almost caused us to loose it like the other 2 we lost that year.

Funnies overheard last night and today...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"I thought we could'nt have a boyfriend."
"Taylor, a lot of things change in 7th grade"
"Like what?"
"Well, for starters, your "friend" comes every month"
"What friend, is it Brianna? Julia?"
"NO, your monthly friend."
"Tell me, I don't know who it could be"
I whisper because of Alyssa (age 5)"Your period."
"Oh, that ain't no friend of mine."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Hey, there's this guy that wears a shirt and a necklace, I know him!"
"Where is this guy at?"
"Oh, I don't know right now, I see him at school."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"This girl said to me at the movies that my fly was open! Can you believe it?"
"Was your zipper down?"
"yes"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"I need a flash light."
"Why, it's daylight"
"I can't see to use the bathroom"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Does the toilet work when the lights are out?"
"Yes, remember you asked this same questions last year."
"oh, yeah I do remember."
"Well, how about the water?"
"Yes, remember you asked this same question last year."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Did you remember to shave your legs?"
"I did that yesterday, like, morning, no it was night which was like in the morning."
"I really just want you to answer YES OR NO"
(when they were little 3 and 4, they would say back, "yes or no" it was cute then not now!)
she says..
"YES or NO"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tim lets Drake out of pen, girls open door to kitchen, Drake skids across the floor, trying to get his balance on my beautiful hard wood floor (which now has some scratches, love you Drake). He runs threw the house, in all the bedrooms, I hear Taylor scream (I'm sure she got a kiss in the face because she had gone back to bed making her face Drake Level). Tim puts on the shock collar, gets him back outside.

We are trying to break him from "mowing us down". The collar works, he jumped on Taylor first, gets shocked. Now when she calls him, he runs up to her, comes to a stop and sits and stares at her, whines and runs off.

I know you were expecting "Dear Wal-Mart", but running on battery power, the pictures would never upload...

Have fun everyone

Freaky Friday

WELCOME TO THE 2ND FREAKY FRIDAY!!!!

I'm glad you joined me. I have a lot to say for Freaky Friday, my week has exciting.

• Washed and dried carmex lip shine crap and possibly ruined really good clothing.
• I left MY lunch money at home twice this week.
• Lost my keys only one time.
• Looked for my work shoes a bazillion times.
• Taylor spilled white out on the oak table at work.
• MM broke her PERMANENT splint on her teeth which equals trip to out-of-town orthodontist.
• At a funeral I get hugged by a guy and felt up at the same time, he was grieving, bless his little heart.
• Funeral ran late on Thursday, made me late to pick up kids for ortho, appointment, which meant we were late for the appointment and ALL the people at the ortho office were so, rude, extremely nice and said it really didn't matter that we were 10 minutes late.
• MM gets new retainers.
• Friday morning, Taylor runs through the house and catches her toe on the base board and it splits all the way down the wall...
• I'm talking to my friend and a Tennessee area code number shows up on call waiting, I say to my friend, "I wonder who would be calling me from a Memphis number...I answer, I hear someone mumble...Switch back to my friend and say, oh well they hung up...she says, it was me calling off of one of the work phone of her husbands...she was trying to call her cell phone because she couldn't find it. My call waiting shows the same number 1 minute later...I'm still talking to her and I say, um, you are calling me again, "Well crap." We are smart my friend and I.
• A strange little Chinese woman follows me into the bank, hiding behind the columns and pop corn machine on the way in and out of the bank, peeking at me (I think she's looking at me) I think...do I look dangerous today? Usual dress code, black shoes, black pants, white dress shirt, name tag, regular looking hair and make up...maybe someone slapped a "Serial Killer" sticker on my back.
• I filled out an application for death certificates and requested that they be mailed to Kernodle Butler Funeral Home...so not the name of the funeral home I work at. Also ruined a few checks at the end of the day in the same manner.

Remember the Funeral Director whose wife broke in the wrong car? Well, that Funeral Director headed to a families house to get clothing for the deceased, went to the wrong house, found the right house, doors open, walked right in, no one at home, looked around at the pictures on the wall and did not recognize anyone and walked out thinking he had ENTERED THE WRONG HOUSE. He said that he really did not want to have to come back to the funeral home and confess that he was having a moment like his wife. I know you are all disappointed like I was that he was at the right house, the family just was not at home...

The many ways the English language was mutilated this week...

• Phong - Key Fob
• My wife doesn't like delcro - Velcro
• Ubama isn't looking so good - Obama
• Grace McClamaham - McClanahan
• Transcemetery - no translation, I made that up all by myself

Math I messed up TODAY: 12x8=78, seriously I worked it out on paper and everything. I have been very upfront with my employers that I took this job because I thought only SIMPLE math would be involved.

The problem was this: number of death certificates x's 8.00 plus 2.00 = total amount to pay for death certificates. I seriously came up with $78.00, the funeral director came back from the health department laughing so hard...because the girl at the health department was trying to figure out how I CAME UP WITH $78.00 so she could give me the right amount.

12 X 8-96 +2= $98.00....apparently I subtracted the first time around instead of carrying and adding my 1.

Gas jumped 41 cents today, everyone rushed for the pumps. It was like announcing that a snow storm was coming and everyone rushed out and bought up all the milk, bread and crackers. (if you are planning to be shut in for a week or more, that stuff is going to ruin, PEOPLE STOCK UP ON HAND CAN OPENERS AND CAN FOODS) Surely everyone knows that the gas they are pumping today is the same gas that was being sold yesterday? We hurry as fast as we can to make the rich man richer and the poor man poorer. Gees. Gas this morning...3.48 Gas this afternoon 3.89.

That pretty much sums up my week right up to the point that I'm typing this post.

That folks are all the events leading up to Freaky Friday at The Butler Diaries. Stay tuned for another exciting edition of Dear Walmart. Thanks for listening.

September 11, 2001

A post that I recommend Carissa and her husband 's 9/11 post.

Good Morning America was on the TV in the living room. I glanced at it, Dianne Sawyer was announcing that something had happened and no one knew what yet, to stay tuned. Waiting in the drop off line at the Wynne Primary School to drop off my kindergartner and 1st grader, the song on the radio was interrupted to announce that New York City had been bombed. I remember feeling chilled.

At the office, I was working at Talbott & Ladd Law Offices, I turned on the little TV in the law library and watched around 8am our time, the smoke billowing out of the World Trade Center. Dianne Sawyer of GMA broke in and said to take cover, they believed a second plane had hit the Twin Towers. I remember one of the lawyers rushing in and we both stood still watching as Dianne Sawyer spoke the words "We should all take cover" and the camera panned to the towers just as the plane hit...the 2nd airplane hit the tower... I am not one that shows emotion, I rarely cry in public, and have perfected what my mother calls "Scotts Blank Stare", but on that day watching those people jump from the tower and seeing it collapse, I could not hold back the tears. I do not believe that anyone in the law office that day accomplished anything. We watched all day as the news unfolded in New York and the news of the Pentagon and the other flight, Flight 93 that was averted by those brave passengers. We wondered, is this an attack that will lead to other attacks around the nation, should we get our kids out of school? I remember my friend Dianna calling, asking the same questions, should we get our kids, will we be next? 9/11 affected everyone, not just in the USA, around the world. I believe that the schools were put on temporary lock down.

One thing that I have a problem with is this...Why, did it take a tragedy such as 9/11 for Americans to become Patriotic? I'm not saying that everyone was not patriotic, I'm saying, we have the privilege to live in a great country, we should have been LOVIN' our country before. Why did it take a tragedy for the Congress, who have been struggling with whether to take out "In God We Trust", to stand on the steps as a whole and sing "God Bless America". Why were they not united in keeping God in our schools in the 80's, look at where that has gotten us, Columbine, and more close to my home, West Side School Shooting in Jonesboro, Arkansas. We don't pray at school functions anymore, we have a moment of silence...yet, the government sings "God Bless America" and asks for our prayers for them while they in session making laws and passing bills. Gees, I think I got off the beaten path there...what I'm saying is, its okay for the government to be swishy-washy... I get tired of it. As some of you know, our nephew John is in Iraq today. He volunteered. He turned 21 in August in Iraq and quite possibly on his birthday was on the front lines, where he has been told not to shoot anyone, take out their weapons.

I'm sorry, this is something that I do not understand. They "terrorists" took out New York, who were defenseless, and young men fighting on the front lines are told to take out their weapons...not to shoot anyone. This makes no sense to me at all.

Now, for my next to biggest comment...Why did it take a tragedy such as 9/11 for old friends to contact each other? Now the biggie...Why did it take a tragedy such as 9/11 for family members to call each other, maybe family that you haven't heard from in a long time. Why is it that a tragedy brings this kind of communication up. Since I opened that can of worms...I see this all the time and sadly even at my own grandfather's and grandmother's funerals...FUNERALS sometimes seem to be family reunions...not just long lost cousins, thats understandable...but brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, there are families that do not keep in contact. I understand that there are sometimes circumstances that keep families from talking. Its really becoming way to common. I'm going to contradict my self right now. I just said today to Dianne that it seems like with certain people that I do all the calling and that I was backing off and let people call me. See, I'm contradicting... BUT and thats a big BUT we are human and emotions are sometimes so raw, we just can't pick up that phone and make that call. We are complicated for sure.

There's more where that came from...I think you may be bored so here is something lighthearted...

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Overheard Conversations today on the way to school.
Taylor: Hey! This girl leaned against a door in PE class and out came this creepy spider. Everyone screamed like little sissy girls, everyone except me.
MM: Oh, hey, what kind of spider was it?
Tim: I bet you screamed like a little girl Taylor.
Taylor: NO I DIDN'T SCREAM AND THE SPIDER WAS A TRI-ARANCH-U-LAR. So there.

Translator needed...
I was on the phone with Dianne on the way home and this is what I said...
"They removed the permanent splint from MM's teeth and made new impressions for new retainers."
This is what Taylor heard...
"I'm cooking hamburgers tonight for the girls and cooking me a big ol' juicy steak"
WHAT????

This and That

Setting the Scene...Getting ready for school. Early Wednesday morning at Butler Manor, Taylor is in the shower and does not know that YARM13YOL is in the bathroom too, also Kaye is in the bathroom.

MM to Kaye: Can you straighten my hair?(quietly)

Me to MM: Yes, you must blow dry your hair. (semi-loud)

(Taylor hears...YOU...BLOW...DRY...YOUR....HAIR.....NOW)

Taylor to Kaye: But I just got shampoo in my hair I can't blow dry it.

Me to Taylor: I didn't tell you to blow dry your hair.

Taylor: (is this lady crazy???) OKAY, she says very slowly.

Me to MM (mm is walking away): YOU MUST TOWEL DRY YOUR HAIR NOW TO GET ALL THE EXTRA WATER OUT. (semi shout because she is getting farther away)

Taylor takes her towel off the rack and says..."Okay, but don't yell at me when the towel gets wet." and yes proceeds to towel dry her hair that has conditioner in it while still in the shower.

Mary Margaret (not by her own free will) washed dishes last night and Taylor & MM cooked dinner which left me with the most hated chore of all...

The sock basket. Those socks have been glaring at me for quite sometime now. I have pictures, I do, of the before and after of the sock basket, but left my camera card at home. So I'll post those exciting pictures Thursday.

Before
After 30 minutes of matching...I still have single socks looking for their mate.

Thank you, thank you for all your advice on how to remove carmex...I have enough carmex stained clothing to try them all and will let you what worked best!

I'm busy at the funeral home today...

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2nd part of the post for Wednesday....Priceless

Funeral Directors wife calls and asks him to please come help her, her phong doesn't work. (This translates to my remote entry gadget is not working and yes Funeral Director called it a phong). Funeral Director hops in his car and heads over to the assisted living where his wife has been visiting some of the ladies there for a 100 birthday party. Funeral Director drives up and the wife says, Oh we don't need you now (thanks for calling and letting Funeral Director know). So-N-So stuck her hand in the window that I left down and unlocked the car and I've already got everything packed back in the car and I'm ready to go home. Thanks for coming down honey.

Funeral Director "H o n e y, did you move your car to the breeze way to make it easier on you, carrying stuff in and out?"

Wife: No, its right here pointing a sand colored car with all her belongings packed up and ready to go.

Funeral Director: HONEY. . .You drive a Toyota Avalon...you broke into a FORD TARUS. I hope the person driving that car doesn't come out before you move out of their car into yours. I think that if you point your PHONG to that Toyota over there it might work.

Wife: Um, lets keep this between the three of us.

Funeraldirector did not keep it to himself.

Help Me With Laundry

I need your expert help people.

(I really want you all to do my laundry, but I'm afraid that you might want the same in return and I don't like my own laundry.)

Someone (MM) left Carmex Lip Crap in her pocket and it got washed and dryed. Many articles of clothing look ruined to me. Is there anyone out there that knows how to get carmex out of your clothes? The stains look like grease stains.

Eggs and Church

Eggs...

Dear Wal-Mart:

I visited a Wal-Mart today against my better judgement. My weekend was as horrible and anyone could imagine, but I still need supplies, so Wal-Mart bound was I.

Your managers seem to have a hiring problem. Every Wal-Mart that I have been in recently all have one thing in common. EGG HATING STOCK PERSONS. (how politically correct can I be?) Why do you hire stock persons that hate eggs. I'm sorry, did you say that you don't question the potential stock persons about their love/hate of eggs? Maybe you should.

Let me elaborate. There sure were a lot of egg choices, I mean, you have done well in that area. I found 1 dozen medium eggs that had been spared. Each carton I touched was oozing with egg yolks, excluding the one I bought. Oh, I'm sorry was excluding too big a word? I'll do better.

I'll be sure to type really slow.

The.stock.person.pulverized.the.eggs. Its happening in every Wal-Mart. Did you hire the Egg Mafia? Just wondering, because whoever worked the eggs over, is a very angry person. Oh, one more thing, why does all your milk leak? Just Askin and Just Sayin.

Church...

Bro. Matt's sermon this morning was about Our God is a Sovereign God, forgiveness, how we make our decisions to make our spot in Heaven. It was a very emotional service for two the Butler girls, as a matter of fact, the whole day was emotional. I kind of expected someone to make a move to the front for prayer, but she stayed put. Tonight's message was from Colossians chapter 1:1-22. All about how thankful we should be, poor, hungry, etc. and basically I got out of it this...the BOOK is no good on a shelf...its only good OPEN.

Also, Luke Tolar from Panama City Beach, Florida was voted to be called as the Music Pastor.

I just want to say how thankful I am that I have Mary Margaret and Taylor and Tim in my life. I truly feel that this is what God intended for my life although things seem a little muddy at times.

I love you girls, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Saturday Mornings and Female STUFF

Saturday morning at Butler Manor
Taylor woke up and discovered what I was doing.


Mary Margaret did not wake up until the flash went off, she jumped up and started yelling, what the heck is going on? Kaye Kaye Kaye, (I'm standing right in front of her, what dear?" She sees the camera and becomes very serious...What.are.you.going.to.do? You'll see...
This post has been in the back of my head for awhile now and I keep forgetting it. Vintage 30 reminded me with her post about tampons. Oh, come on, don't groan, this is going to be fun.

You all know that I cleaned YARM13YOL's room this week. YES, SHE WILL MOST CERTAINLY DIE FROM EMBARRASSMENT, Thats what I'm here for. I found in her room in the most odd little hiding places an assortment of pads that made me think...what the heck? I found them in drawers, the toy box, in her desk, in bill folds, under the bed, in a jewelry box, in the closet, behind the TV, I know, what? Oh, and a make-up bag with about 20 tampons in it with her Bible...what the heck...

Before she started, I sent off for all kinds of freebies here's she was so embarrassed to get this STUFF in the mail. This is what I found...

I did not take a picture of all of them, just one of each kind.

The other little story that comes to mind is this...

Nicole if you are reading this...you know I love ya girl...
Several years ago before Jason and Nicole were married, Nicole and I were shopping in Wal-Mart in Jonesboro (thank goodness it was an out of town store) We always check out the clearance stuff first...at the end of one of the health and beauty aid isles there were clearanced tampons and spermicide...no, I'm not stopping there...

The tampons were not my brand, but I thought, for emergencies I could stash a few here and there, so I picked up a few boxes, I mean they were clearanced to something like 50 cents or a quarter. I did not need the spermicide. I look over at Nicole's basket and low and behold...that chick had filled her basket up with the tampons, pads, and spermicide...

Lets discuss what could have been going through the mind of the teenage boy that checked us out, to this day I can still remember his bugged out eyes...

• Oh my gosh, they have female products, a whole freakin basket full!!!
• Am I allowed to check this stuff out at such a young tender age?
• What the heck is all that spermicide for...are they running a brothel or just having a whole bunch of * * *?
• Are they going to wait for me to get off of work and attack me, being the stud muffin I am and all.
• How many tampons can one woman use?
• Do tampons and pads have expiration dates?
• Im sure the spermicide expires, wow, she's going to have a lot of * * * soon.
• Someone quick, wash my eyes, I can't stop imagining them with the spermicide...
• Oh my gosh, did that little kid just tell me that those tampons were for her KK's butt? (Okay, that happened on a different shopping trip, but I thought I would throw that in there to embarrass myself)

What was the purpose of this post....NONE WHATSOEVER.

M&M's Blog

I think you should all go visit YARM13YOL's Blog. She was on a roll this afternoon. I really had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

Freaky Friday...

Who wants to participate in Freaky Friday? I'm reading all these cool blogs like Thursday Thirteen over at Never A Dull Moment , many participate in Wordless Wednesday, I tried that once and I absolutely could not post anything without words. So I thought that I would break out on my own and start Freaky Friday and see if I can stick to it, you know, like I've stuck with using the tread mill, ah hum.

Rules...

List four (or as much as you like, I'm doing four because that's all I've got folks) things that make your week Freaky. Write about whatever you want, include pictures, go bananas...and leave comments on those blogs where you see someone participating in Freaky Friday. (I'm sure there will be tons of you joining in.) Some of us sit by our computers, chewing our nails to nubs, sucking down Dr. Peppers, devouring chocolate bars, and possibly even hiding the fact that we are watching and waiting, minimizing as fast as possible, waiting for that glorious little thing called a comment. (I'm really not trying to drum up more comments) Here's the hard and most important part...you can't write the Freaky Friday post until FRIDAY.

Freaky Friday at the Butler's

1. My couch is full of clean clothes, straight from the dryer. Haven't folded them yet, because I've had more important things to do, like run through the house like a wild woman ruining the lives of all that get in my way. So, I refuse to fold the clothes, also I like to see how long it takes someone to finally stop staring at the empty closet/dresser and walk to the living room to find their socks/underwear/or bras.


2. I'll loose my car keys. That usually makes Friday the best possible day ever. I love to spend at least 15 minutes before rushing for the door to leave looking on every surface only to find the keys IN MY HAND.


3. I like to wash all of my work clothes on Thursday night, fall asleep/forget to put them in the dryer until the next morning, FRIDAY, so that the pants/shirts are still damp and I go to work cold (yes, I know, there was an ordeal this week about wet jeans with YARM13YOL).


4. Phone Call at work today: Sandy answers phone, "this is Heather and I need to check the model number on your copier" Sandy comes to me and says, should I give it to her? I say no, she's a telemarketer that won't take us off her calling list...I'll take care of her. "This is Kaye, can I help you? Yes, I need to get the model number off the copier please. Listen, I'm glad you called. We bought this copier, you went out of business, and this copier has been a piece of crap since day 1 and we want our money back, what can you do about that? Um..."dial tone. Sandy thinks she probably went to each little cubical personally and removed the Funeral Home number from their calling list. I think that Sandy is a tiny bit scared that I held a straight face through it all...she's wondering what else I can do with a straight face.

Let me have it people, send me your Freaky Friday Stories...
P.S. I started to make it five, but I had a hard time coming up with the four I've got. I had to wait practically all day for the 4th one.

P.P.S. Today's work day could have been entitled "GROUCHY OLD MEN DAY", Sandy and I were perfect angels ALL DAY. Some of us around here can dish out the "pickin' at you" but can't take it. Just Sayin'

The Speech

Thought everyone would like to see Taylor in action. She kind of held the microphone too close and talked a tiny bit too fast, but for her first speech, I thought she did well.

6th Grade Student Council

Taylor gave her speech today. She did a wonderful job! She was so cute! My baby is growing up.

6 out of 29 get elected!

Okay, sappy stuff over.

Important Funeral Home Jobs

Everyone is always amazed that I work at a Funeral Home. The comment I hear the most is this "Oh my gosh how do you stand it, I couldn't do it. It takes someone special to work at a funeral home." One of the guys that works here always has a great come back line..."Honey, its not the dead that scare me, I'm afraid of the live ones."

My first day, for lunch I ate Chinese, came back and the guys were embalming, I lost my lunch. I had never smelled embalming fluid before in my life. I got over it real quick and learned to not eat Chinese at lunch if the guys were working in the prep room. I learned that when aspirating is happening, I'm not going in the prep room. Luckily, we now have a trade service embalm for us, so not much, matter of fact, 2 years ago, they stopped embalming here all together.

The handling of someones loved one is one of the most important job you can have. (Keeping someone alive would be the most important, and after dealing with some of these doctors, I'm thinking, how did they become doctors in the first place, and I'm keeping a list of who not to go see!)

When the statement is made, "...it takes someone special..." that is true. Not everyone can deal with raw human emotion. Not everyone is made to deal with the public, although, I think that it should be a requirement at some point.

This is why I get paid the big bucks...and probably some of my most important jobs ever here a the funeral home...some of you may remember this from a previous post...I get paid the big bucks to remove used pads off the back of the women's bathroom door, because someone did not know how to use the trash can, trying my best not to throw up and yes I remember the lady that came out of the bathroom and yes she now works at one of the fast food restaurants in Wynne...just sayin, McDonald's, I hope your employees wash their hands...

Sandy and I also get paid the big bucks to do the following...

Sandy removes gum stuck to the back of a pew after a funeral service. Again we must be really doing a good job of hiding our trash cans from the public.

What is all the ties for? At the funeral home, we prepare for Christmas a tiny bit ahead of time...the ties are Christmas gifts for the ministers in our area and other "men" that help us tremendously. Getting ready for Christmas in September...that's how we roll around here. Isn't Sandy doing a wonderful job with those ties?!?!?!?

Teenagers, Republicans, and Twix

As you all know things have been peachy keen on the homefront. NOT. I would like to point out that tonight was not that bad. Why? I think she was worried. I printed off her grades off of Edline. Edline, I would marry Edline if I could, really such a wonderful, wonderful little website. Who would have thunk it...a tiny little website can hold the future of so many teens in the palm of its hand. No longer can teens hide grades and homework from their parents. I love edline.

Edline did not have good things to report to me. Bearer of bad news for YARM13YOL. She was utterly shocked to find out that she had a science test last week. I think that maybe these teachers are out to get her, putting those grades on edline, how dare they? Other exciting things happening at Butler Manor...I cleaned her room from top to bottom. 2 huge black trash bags full of CRAP. YARM13YOL: "I Could do that, if you would just give me a chance! But no, you won't give me chance to clean my own room." ME: "I've given you a chance everyday for the last 12 years, to clean up your room on your own. How many more chances do you need?" YARM13YOL: "A lot".

Last week I mentioned that I watched the Democratic National Convention, well, mainly because I couldn't find the remote control and I had just exercised on the tread mill and really couldn't make the long journey from the chair to the TV to change the channel, if I had the energy to do anything, I would have called 911, pressed charges against the tread mill for taking advantage of me like that. (its laughing at me now as I type this). Anyway, I felt like I owed it to the Republicans to watch their national convention. Why are the republicans not as exciting as the democrats? I could compair them to a soap opera, but I won't. I have to say this...Palin had me when she SOLD HER PLANE ON EBAY. Now that's what I'm talking about. Thats my girl. Still, the republicans just didn't make me feel the WOW factor. Maybe it was because I was listening instead of watching. TheMoreTheMessier was waiting for someone to address the price of our beloved candy bars going up. The republicans let her down too.

Some of you are dying (I know a good funeral home) to know why was I listening to the Republican National Convention instead of watching. I'll tell you. One more time, I was playing with glue and glitter. Taylor is running for student council. So I was making posters, helping her with a speech, cooking dinner, quizzing YARM13YOL unnecessarily because she never has tests, and listening to the Republicans. I am talented. Thank you, Thank you...

Things I loved today...

• Cleaned YARM13YOL room, find some of my stuff that has been missing.
• There really was two trash bags of crap in YARM13YOL room, seriously.
• Now YARM13YOL room is cleaner than mine.
• Spent 30 unstopping my vacuum.
• YARM13YOL studied from 5 to 8, and remembered nothing she studied because I was not specific about the words I wanted her to read...
• Made posters for Taylor for Student Council who was worried about how to wear her hair for her speech.
• Taylor: will I win a trophy, Me: no, you get a spot on the student council, Taylor: oh, whats that. Me: Are you serious?
• I LOVE LOVE LOVE GLITTER. (she says sarcastically.) I love to get it on the floor, on me, and I really love to get it in my EYE.
• Glitter is hard to vacuum off the kitchen floor, carpet and kitchen table. It is not hard, however, to suck it out of the bottle when you bend over and you do not pay attention and accidentally stick the vacuum wand in the glitter container and suck up $2.50 worth of glitter in 2 seconds.
• Notice a Wal-Mart sack sitting behind the kitchen door and discover TWIX CANDY BARS and everyone in the house is asleep and will never know (until they read this post) that these candy bars existed because I ate them all while pounding out this exciting post about my wonderful night. I run excitedly to my chair, rip open the sack, turn on the computer and connect to the Internet, open the first Twix and take that first bite. Heaven.
• Rain, rain, and more rain.

Oh, I love this little boy, 7 years old, on Jay Leno, he just said that he thought that the Russians would never win a medal in the olympics because he thought they were all drunk. He's part Russian, but he doesn't drink yet. How funny. He's playing the piano...I'm impressed

Free Stuff

Guaranteed in stock, in your size or it's free. If they don't have your size, what are they going to do, give you the wrong size free? Sandy found this in the newspaper last week.

Last night YARM13YOL promised to stop the smart mouth stuff and be nice and I agreed that after 6months of her being nice and no smart mouth stuff, she could have her texting privileges back. She says that one of the reasons why she is such a smart mouth is because I won't let her have her cell phone and texting privileges. She doesn't understand why she gets grounded from this stuff all the time. NONE of her friends get grounded, they never get the cell phones taken. She'll just get a job and buy her own phone, that way I can't control what she does...yeah, I see a 13 year old getting a job and a phone. I named off the friends that I have heard of getting grounded...she wanted me to name the date that this happened to these kids...otherwise she wouldn't believe me.

This morning before school...she had already broken that promise, all over a stupid pair of WET jeans she wanted to wear to school. Then because I wouldn't let her wear the wet jeans, she wanted to wear a pair of pants that were too tight. I had laid out a pair of Capri's, which she used to like, last week. Her comment was this...I guess you are okay with sending me to school to freeze. Taylor and I had to listen to her smart mouth all the way to town, making my morning SUCK.

Gees, this is getting irritating.

Funny How Things Turn Out

A funny little thing happened...not really funny to me

YARM13YOL made her friend Julia think that she had told me the truth about talking about me. Today, I read Julia's blog, she had apologized to me and said that she was sorry that YARM13YOL had talked about me. She also thanked me for the swim party I let YARM13YOL have.

Here's what some may think is funny, ironic, whatever...

YARM13YOL did not tell me about talking about me. She told me that what Julia was talking about on her blog, was when YARM13YOL was talking about her sister.

I was 21 years old when I gave up my life and dreams so that two precious little girls would have a safe and loving home. I'm now 34....oh never mind, its not worth it.

Monster Kaye let the girls have a "Back To School Party" on Saturday. My Internet at the house is so slow, I'll have to wait until this afternoon when I go in to work to post and email the pictures. I think all the kids had a great time.

How foolish do I feel now, knowing that YARM13YOL has told probably all of them what a horrible person I am. I saw her at the party walking around telling her friends that I had found out about the boyfriend, pointing at me, rolling her eyes, arms crossed on her chest...I wonder if she was telling them then how badly I treated her...for the record...I said to her "I know he's your boyfriend, thats fine, I don't like that you lied to me about him." She said back to me "I had to lie, because you said I'm too young to have a boyfriend, so I lied, you make me lie."

No matter what I do, its never good enough. Story of my life, I've never been good enough for anyone.