The Pile

Looking through some old photos that belonged to my grandmother I ran across a 1936 newspaper. The reason she kept it? An obit for my grandfather's father. I love the newspaper, I love the history, I love to think about how families read this paper, did they gather together? Did they pour over each little detail until they had it memorized? It was such a different world "way back when" and one person that brought it to life for me and made my imagination fly was my grandmother, Ernestine Brawner.

Today, I carried it to the office. One of my bosses asked me to read some of it, just to see if they could remember some of these people. 3 criminals escaped from the Cummings Farm (what they called a prison for some of my young readers). They were real live bank robbers and one had been convicted of murder. Society Section boasted about Mrs. So-N-So visiting Miss You-Know-Who miles away from home in the metropolis of Memphis, (there was a huge society section). There were ads for Soap Suds for 2 pennies.

The best ad was this...

Pile Suffering Has Ended at Last.
(As I read this to the bosses, I said, what the heck is the Pile?)
I thought they were both going to fall out on the floor...leaving me to pick them up...
Boss: "Haven't you read any of the old obits that said the cause of death was "The Pile"?
Me: Nope
Boss: Well, its for constipation, people would say, I've got Piled Up and they would go buy this medicine made by the biggest Rectal Company in the world.

The ad says...(it may be to small to read)

To thousand of sufferers from the pain of Piles, Thornton & Minor Pile Ointment has brought quick relief. This Private Formula Prescription has been developed through 56 years experience at the world's oldest and largest rectal institution. Only recently available for home use. Try a package on a Money-Back Guarantee. For sale at...

Sutts Drug Company

They Deliver!

How funny is this ad? I didn't even know there was a rectal institution...I know some people who would benefit from this institution...you know them too...all those people that you consider to be "full of crap". And HELLO they DELIVER! Um, hello, this Mrs. So-N-So, I um, need some Pile Ointment delivered TODAY.

AND seriously its ointment? What if you can't reach? I'm just sayin, whose gonna help you?

AND money back guarantee? Didn't my boss just say that some of the causes of death in the 30's was THE PILE? Now thats something to put in the obit, because, hey, back then, they listed the reason for your death. Of course the conversations would have been something like this "Oh my goodness, did you hear about Mr. So-N-So? Oh, dear lord, he died of (whispering) the pile." "Oh, (hand coverin the mouth) thats just awful. I wonder how the misses will get along now? Poor poor woman, he never was good for anything much. We'll take her a dish this afternoon."

Today? "OMG, did you hear? So-N-So finally found out what we've been telling her all along...he was a total SH**. And full of it too apparently!" "Girl, we'll pick her up some KFC this afternoon and dis him all night!"

BTW, I give you all permission to hate me.

Why?

I'm eating homemade chicken and dumplings. I took down the slow cooker (it was a little dusty) put in the onions, celery, cavenders seasoning and chicken leg quarters and let it cook all day. Came home, transferred it to a pot, brought to a boil and added Ann B's frozen dumplings.

Why the look of shock? You really thought that I was Betty Crocker? I'm sorry to dissappoint.