Freaky Friday

WELCOME TO THE 2ND FREAKY FRIDAY!!!!

I'm glad you joined me. I have a lot to say for Freaky Friday, my week has exciting.

• Washed and dried carmex lip shine crap and possibly ruined really good clothing.
• I left MY lunch money at home twice this week.
• Lost my keys only one time.
• Looked for my work shoes a bazillion times.
• Taylor spilled white out on the oak table at work.
• MM broke her PERMANENT splint on her teeth which equals trip to out-of-town orthodontist.
• At a funeral I get hugged by a guy and felt up at the same time, he was grieving, bless his little heart.
• Funeral ran late on Thursday, made me late to pick up kids for ortho, appointment, which meant we were late for the appointment and ALL the people at the ortho office were so, rude, extremely nice and said it really didn't matter that we were 10 minutes late.
• MM gets new retainers.
• Friday morning, Taylor runs through the house and catches her toe on the base board and it splits all the way down the wall...
• I'm talking to my friend and a Tennessee area code number shows up on call waiting, I say to my friend, "I wonder who would be calling me from a Memphis number...I answer, I hear someone mumble...Switch back to my friend and say, oh well they hung up...she says, it was me calling off of one of the work phone of her husbands...she was trying to call her cell phone because she couldn't find it. My call waiting shows the same number 1 minute later...I'm still talking to her and I say, um, you are calling me again, "Well crap." We are smart my friend and I.
• A strange little Chinese woman follows me into the bank, hiding behind the columns and pop corn machine on the way in and out of the bank, peeking at me (I think she's looking at me) I think...do I look dangerous today? Usual dress code, black shoes, black pants, white dress shirt, name tag, regular looking hair and make up...maybe someone slapped a "Serial Killer" sticker on my back.
• I filled out an application for death certificates and requested that they be mailed to Kernodle Butler Funeral Home...so not the name of the funeral home I work at. Also ruined a few checks at the end of the day in the same manner.

Remember the Funeral Director whose wife broke in the wrong car? Well, that Funeral Director headed to a families house to get clothing for the deceased, went to the wrong house, found the right house, doors open, walked right in, no one at home, looked around at the pictures on the wall and did not recognize anyone and walked out thinking he had ENTERED THE WRONG HOUSE. He said that he really did not want to have to come back to the funeral home and confess that he was having a moment like his wife. I know you are all disappointed like I was that he was at the right house, the family just was not at home...

The many ways the English language was mutilated this week...

• Phong - Key Fob
• My wife doesn't like delcro - Velcro
• Ubama isn't looking so good - Obama
• Grace McClamaham - McClanahan
• Transcemetery - no translation, I made that up all by myself

Math I messed up TODAY: 12x8=78, seriously I worked it out on paper and everything. I have been very upfront with my employers that I took this job because I thought only SIMPLE math would be involved.

The problem was this: number of death certificates x's 8.00 plus 2.00 = total amount to pay for death certificates. I seriously came up with $78.00, the funeral director came back from the health department laughing so hard...because the girl at the health department was trying to figure out how I CAME UP WITH $78.00 so she could give me the right amount.

12 X 8-96 +2= $98.00....apparently I subtracted the first time around instead of carrying and adding my 1.

Gas jumped 41 cents today, everyone rushed for the pumps. It was like announcing that a snow storm was coming and everyone rushed out and bought up all the milk, bread and crackers. (if you are planning to be shut in for a week or more, that stuff is going to ruin, PEOPLE STOCK UP ON HAND CAN OPENERS AND CAN FOODS) Surely everyone knows that the gas they are pumping today is the same gas that was being sold yesterday? We hurry as fast as we can to make the rich man richer and the poor man poorer. Gees. Gas this morning...3.48 Gas this afternoon 3.89.

That pretty much sums up my week right up to the point that I'm typing this post.

That folks are all the events leading up to Freaky Friday at The Butler Diaries. Stay tuned for another exciting edition of Dear Walmart. Thanks for listening.