I was Kidding

Okay you guys. I thought you all knew me well enough to know that...

Yesterday's post was a JOKE.

The outside of our townhouse does not look like that. I could insert a really nice picture here, but, that camera has left the Gulf of Mexico headed out for an Deep Sea fishing experience, so that picture will have to wait. What's that you say? You know I have a gazillion other camera's with me, why not go take a picture right now? CAUSE it's the awful hour of 5:30 AM, it's still dark outside!

This means that you will have to use your imagination for this next bit...
all you folks getting ready for work and sipping your hot coffee...be careful...

Yesterday the girls went parasailing. You would think that this story would be all about the girls experience. NOT. I paid for two observers to go on the boat. I thought Angela was going with me. Angela thought she would go with me, until...

Insert surprising scary music...

She saw the Wave Runner pulling the double banana float that we were to ride out to the boat in the ocean. She looked at me and said, not no, but HECK no, I'm not riding that thing out to that boat way the heck out there. Garrie will go.

Garrie who can not swim.

He was game. We strapped on our life jackets and headed for the banana.

Now is the time to put down the coffee, diet drinks, or anything that might cause you to choke...

I got on that banana just fine. I was good. They were excited. Picture this, we are still sitting on the SHORE. Haven't moved. A huge wave crashes into the banana and knocks me off the banana into the middle of the banana where the water sucks me in and wedges me in between the two bananas. Now, we all know I'm a big ol' girl. Here we are still on the BEACH and I can't even sit on the thing, much less ride the dang thing out to the middle of the ocean. What's even funnier? The cute little "nice shirt" guide looks at me and its alright girl, you go ahead and ride right there. Could he not see that I was planning on staying there because there was no way on God's Green Earth that I could pull myself up out of that hole? I mean come on people. We bounce on out to ocean, while everyone riding the banana was enjoying the view of their loved ones waving at them from the shore, I was enjoying having my face smashed between the two bananas.

We are now at the boat. The cute little guide says "Watch me, this is how we are gonna get on the boat." He pulls the banana up to the side of the boat. Captain holds on to the banana, the guide stands up on the banana, turns around, plops his butt on the side of the boat and swings his legs over and he's in the boat. Easy, piece of cake. (Wait a minute bud. There's a huge deck on this boat sitting even with the water and we are not just gonna step right on that deck?) Mary Margaret and Taylor had no problems.

Its my turn. Seeing how I rode side saddle, with one leg over the seat I was supposed to be in, my face smashed in the middle of the banana and my boobs doing the splits IN THE LIFE VEST, I was thinking, THIS IS GOING TO GO WELL. I can feel it.
Garrie, the gentleman that he is, a non-swimming gentleman, stays on the banana to let me go first. I wiggle myself out of the death banana and manage to stand up, fall forward, grab the side of the boat, and push the banana out several feet away from the boat. They reel us back in. I try to stand up, turn around and plop my butt on the boat. Yeah, not happening. I did the splits. Garrie yells, "She's going in the ocean man! She's gonna go between the banana and the boat!" I'm thinking...If I go in the ocean LEAVE ME and send out the Coast Guard with that nifty little life saving thingy. I managed to not go in the ocean. After 9 more unsuccessful GRACEFUL attempts to get in the boat, the cute little guide says, "Okay mam lets try this, I'll hold on to your life vest and pull you in."

Dude couldn't have weighed more than 115 pounds WET.

Surprisingly THIS WORKS. Um, excuse me, could we have tried this 20 minutes ago? Our cute little guide fell while hauling me in the boat and cut both of his knees.

Garrie, who was just about to die laughing, stands up, turns around, and plops his butt right on the boat and swings his legs over. (I'm secretly not talking to him at this point. I mean he could have at least made it LOOK hard.)

Girls get harnessed up, the sail into the sky, cute little guide jumps around taking pictures, cause I was smart and left the camera on shore with Angela (chicken) and Tim.

During the banana ride to the boat, Angela and Tim were on the shore commenting that one minute they saw me and the next I was gone, but they could still see one of my legs sticking straight up from the middle of the banana so Tim thinks I'm still on the banana having a blast.

BTW, another group came out and hopped on the boat. I'm secretly not liking any of them either. Well, take that back, I think dude that straddled the boat and fell over into boat hitting his head could be my next best friend.

Getting out of the boat was just as graceful as getting in. Guide practically PUSHED me out of the boat onto the BANANA. Yep, you ride it in, you ride it out. I love that banana. I did manage to stay up right this time. Garrie on the other hand did not fare as well as I did getting out. They push him out, he lands on the banana, half on, half off. His HAT slips off and NON-SWIMMING Garrie goes after the hat, clonks his head against the boat HARD, slipping into the ocean half way and SAVES THE HAT!!! He looks at me and says, "I ain't loosing a $5 hat!"

We make it to shore and I roll off into what I thought was at least knee deep water. NOT. More like an inch deep. I laid there for a few minutes.

Enjoying the LAND.

Garrie was mumbling that his head hurt.

You'll have to ask the girls how they like parasailing, I don't even remember it.