Where Are You Christmas

I was listening to WRVR, the radio person was reading a letter from a listener. This letter described exactly how I feel this year about the Holidays. This person said she felt her Holiday traditions changing each year, family drifting, the magical Christmas of her childhood was gone, a little less Christmas each year.

I miss sitting indian style in the floor with my brothers watching Charlie Brown Christmas. I miss stringing popcorn for the tree with them. I miss bundling up to head to Mamaw Brawner's house for a huge family dinner. I miss dressing up for Papaw Clark's. Christmas night dinner. I miss my sweet little Papaw.

This year it started when I heard MM's boyfriend tell her that his Mom bought her as stocking for their house. One little chip at this old woman. I'm glad that his mother likes her enough to make her feel part of his family, I want that for my girls. I'm not ready to give up my girls to boyfriends and their families no matter how nice they are. I don't have the Christmas spirit this year, I noticed it last year, but kind of blew it off. I can't get enough time to put up my outside lights, my house is dreary. Inside my house, I need so many repairs made, it seems ridiculous to decorate. My house feels junky, which makes me feel junky. My heart is heavy with a few worries, which sometimes makes me not so much fun to be around. I'm sure I won't be seeing Dad or my brothers and sister and you know what I just want them. Enough! I'm not a whiner.

This post is so random.

The girls have rabbit ears on their TV's now and I watched Charlie Brown Christmas alone. That was not fun.

The only time I saw the girls was during commercial break...
This conversation happened while I was typing this post out:
MM: I hope you feel better soon
ME: me too, it bites being sick
MM: I hope I don't get sick, I've been trying to not get by preventing myself from blowing my nose!
ME: (with an arched eyebrow) oh really, how's that working for you?
MM: its going well!
Taylor: (rolling her eyes). Genius!

I need to decorate my tree.